Here's another list of stuff I've found in the past few weeks.
First, as always, there is some monkey stuff:
You can buy or sell a real live monkey. Might I suggest a baby marmoset for $2,000? But if you do buy one, make sure you watch them carefully. The marmoset thieves are watching you.
You can keep track of the Sexy Apes. I like them, not so much because they are sexy (they aren't), or because I dig their music (it's just okay), but because they are from my old stomping grounds on Greenleaf Avenue in Whittier. They recently opened for the Von Bondies at the House of Blues. Good going, Apes.
Not that I really want to support a practice so disgusting, but next time you hear someone protesting about how wicked it is for people to eat monkey brains, keep in mind that monkeys sometimes eat human baby brains. So, if people do, we're even.
You can read a few unusual blogs:
Dean's planet has some interesting stuff. If you thought Paul was dead, you probably also thought Britney was old enough to take when she was 16. And didja ever wonder what your favorite celebrity looks like without makeup, e.g. Cameron Diaz? Dean can show you.
A dead non-blogger, who was never a blogger, is being impersonated by a blogger who wants us to think he is Andy Kaufman.
Another dead blogger.
Some blog calls itself asdf, which I think, is the laziest attempt at a blog name ever. Tap the fingers on your left hand and think. Wait. No. I don't even have to think. Look, up at the screen. I've got it! ASDF. The tagline -- "a few reflections from an orange pyropinguen" (whatever that is) -- shows a bit of thought, though, and the blog is interesting.
This blog has a poll: What new thing should I do with my life? I voted for drugs. Once again, I had my finger on the pulse...
I'm thinking about adding a permanent link to chaos theory.
Luna Niña likes to post topics for word associations. I haven't tried it, but it looks amusing enough.
The LAst CAll guy is a decent read. And he is oh so right about this Carson Kressley image.
You can take absurd quizzes. These things pop up like mushrooms on the forest carpet of blogging. Pick one and five more sprout up:
Which Kevin Smith character are you?
Just what kind of asshole are you? Oh, wait. Villain. What kind of villain are you?
How gay are you? It says that I am 24% gay, well below the 39% mark for a typical straight guy. People less gay than me total just 15%, with 4% the same and 79% more gay than me. Mongo straight! Supposedly, over 4.7 million quizzes have been submitted.
Tired of dumb online quizzes? You can watch videos:
Princess, the seriously f*cked up doggy and his f*cked up filthy dirty owners. Episode one. Episode two.
The Two Towers, the badger cartoon edit.
Some lovelorn poser who wants to be an actor made this lame video, and I watched it. He reminds me a bit of the Shermanator. And a bit like William Hung (but I'm not giving that loser any more links.)
The trailer of the worst movie ever: Vincent Gallo's The Brown Bunny. The most noteworthy part of this film is near the end, when Chloe Sevigny performs a graphic fellatio scene upon Gallo that left some people wondering whether it was acting or bona fide porn. The scene is an ironic metaphor for the entire film. Does the movie actually suck, or is it just pretending to suck?
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, over.
Thespian bunnies are back, this time, performing The Shining:
Watch these idiots trying to pull a car out of the snow. Doh!
A disgusting short story about a bitter breakup. He doesn't get mad. He gets even. Well, not even, exactly. He just gets...revenge. [This page is supported by banner ads that are NSFW.]
Until I saw the grape stomping newswoman, this was the funniest "I think I may have injured myself" live video outtake available.
You can play games:
Avoid the blue blocks. I did it for 22.641 seconds. I only tried it 5 times. When I tried to hit the blue, I got out in .047 seconds. Can you get killed any faster?
Dave Chappelle's skateboarding game.
Run from the Border Patrol. If only it was so futile in real life.
Freefall. This gives me the willies.
Click the dot, click the dot.
The Blob purports to be addicting. I kicked the habit instantly.
This one is fun, though. Speed, aka spit. A very cool card game. Hard to play on a table.
You can engage in other fun or odd activities:
Make your own award certificate.
Vote for the noxzema girl of your choice.
Stroke the bottle until it pops. If you are a man, and you play this game, you are more than 39% gay.
I had no idea you could get a zillion free and legal mp3s from Amazon. Now I know. So do you.
Take this poll on how the T'Wolves can come back against the Lakers. I voted for "luck."
I had a chance to go into prison last year, to depose a wussy little dude who had tried to rape my client. He cried during the deposition. My guess is, he did not have a chance to use this tool before he decided to break into my client's apartment. The jail rape calculator: how long would you last? [This page is supported by banner ads that are NSFW.]
Look up anything. Like Pablo Picasso.
Thinking about selling your soul? Find out what it's worth here. If you are thinking about clicking this, ask yourself, first, WTFWJD?
Put on the beer goggles, my friend, and rate these lovelies. And not so lovelies. On a side note: why do ugly chicks allow their photos onto sites like this?
Click the chocolate marble cake. There is no field or box, but type "oompaloompa" and a little green dude will pop out.
You can see something odd:
This is the most clever use of the web I have seen in at least a year. The url said it all: http://www.bitchhitmytruck.com/ I first saw it last week, and it had a picture of some drunken idiot who had been seen driving off after smacking this dude's truck. This week, problem solved. The site is now more like a retrospective.
Everything you ever wanted to know about google and cookies. And still won't understand even after you read it.
Microsoft Word stores data in your word document, such as, when you created it, who created it, when it was revised, what changes were made (i.e., "we will pay $65,000 and not a penny more" replaced with "we will offer $60,000 and not a penny more.") Have you ever wanted to delete all that secret information before you email it to someone else? Several companies have sold programs to "scrub" your word documents of such data. But now, finally, you can download that tool, for free, from Microsoft.
The great peep joke. Feel free to do this to me.
The worst album covers of all time. The #1 cover was pretty bad. Picture Fes from That 70's Show making his debut record. But I thought #5 was much creepier.
From bad to bad: ten album covers that the shot-callers called back.
You can puzzle over why these twins were not raised together:
Late singer John Denver and this lesbian bride.
Minnesota guard Latrell Sprewell and that creature from Predator.
Minnesota forward Kevin Garnett and pharoah Ramses II.
Minnesota center Michael Olowokandi and any random terrorist.
Chicago Bulls forward Scottie Pippen and dirty terrorist Osama bin Laden.
Dirty terrorist Khalid Shaikh Mohammed and dirty movie actor Ron Jeremy.
You can buy strange or wonderful things:
You've seen the gay pride attire, and are jealous, because you are not gay, and there is no straight pride attire. Well, not any more.
The grossest face accessory I've seen.
Fundies: the underwear built for two.
A slightly suggestive action figure, from the inspiration for the ambiguously gay duo.
You can sit and wonder why people bother:
The No. 1 Christian porn site. Seriously. That is what they call it.
Was he born gay? Or did the internet make him gay?
Someone has burned mp3s of all of the Budweiser commercials and made them available for you to download.
You're not Rick James, bitch! Featuring a graph comparing the number of people who are Dave Chappelle with the number of people who are not Dave Chappelle.
The Barbie Experiment. What a loser.
And you can collect the toll-free 888, 877 and 800 numbers of assholes who send you spam or use spyware to market their products and services. So far, I've collected these:
BocaJava (888) 262-2528
Hydroderm (888) 460-5888
Video Professor (800) 626-1059
Gift Fox (866) 443-8369
Bahamas Cruises (877) 857-6220
I'm not necessarily suggesting that 100 people call them to waste their time, or curse at their operators, or place their numbers on speed dial. I'm just letting you know who they are.
By the way, Gator doesn't have a toll-free number, but you can send them a fax at (650) 980-1599.
I love posts like this--I get to catch up without having to do all the looking. ;)
PS--The Shining in 30 Seconds is so funny. Did you happen to catch The Exorcist in 30 on the same site? Funny but the Shining is hilarious!
Posted by: Retro Girl | May 23, 2004 at 01:45
nice analysis of my lazy blog title. as it turns out, i really was just too lazy to change it.. very astute.
Posted by: katy | May 23, 2004 at 00:25