Stuff To Do Online (Part 12)
I had teenagers spend the night at my house this weekend. I also had an extra five-year-old and two extra ten-year-olds in the house. With the wife and kids, that left the count at roughly eight females, plus me. And I would have been able to say that I survived it just fine, except that one of the teenagers -- I don't know which -- got on my computer and installed spyware while looking for stuff on the internet. I hereby resolve to finish installing the wireless network at home so that no female fingers shall ever again touch the keyboard in my home office. Ever. And while I work on that, I'll post a few more pages of stuff I've seen on the web recently [without having to download viruses or spyware].
First, as always, there is some monkey stuff:
Monkeys have been in the news. Like the monkey I mentioned a week ago who started to ape humans by walking on two feet.
If you don't know what it means to "ape humans", you can read the expression in 196 contexts.
Sea monkeys are more than just fun for the whole family. They are like unto gods. False gods, arguably.
Whether you recognize them as gods or not, if you don't want to see monkeys eaten, you can sign the bushmeat pledge.
You can read a few unusual blogs:
Matt Leinart has a blog. I'll adding it to the roll.
Brittney's blog last week revealed that Brittney lost her digital camera, and that "There may or may not be nudie pictures on it." If she ever becomes famous, eventually she'll find out whether there actually were nudie pictures on it.
Another good music blog: Moebius Rex.
Wonkette had an entertaining observation about politics and prostitution.
You can take absurd quizzes or tests:
The Jung Marriage Test. I didn't try to take it because it said something about needing tokens. And I was tired. Plus, I'm already married and don't want to get unmarried and/or remarried.
Do you have a drinking problem?
What is your inner eye color?
Which bodily discharge are you? Which was I? I refuse to say.
If you think quizzes are stupid, you can watch amazing or amusing videos:
Michael Jackson brags about making whoopee with little children. The video miiiiight be unauthentic.
A bunch of VW club members got busted -- on tape -- weaving all over the place doing 100 m.p.h.
Let me be the 1,000,000th person to link to the 2004 election "This Land Is Your Land" parody.
In case you are a woman, and you've never been in front of a urinal, and you wonder whether this sort of thing ever happens, the answer is "not a chance."
You can play games:
This blast billiards game is pretty fun.
Play Russian Roulette with a gimp.
The trolley time trial.
You can do odd things:
Turn your mouse into a fireworks display.
Vote for your favorite Twinkies box.
Become an ordained minister, instantly. Incidentally, in your next email to me, you should address me as "Reverend."
The five minute de-stresser and relaxer.
You can see strange or interesting stuff:
Highlight this picture and see the object of my childhood fears. We all float down here!
If you're a Republican, and you think the Democrats have all the fun engaging in lame protests, rejoice. Your day has finally come!
Asians should not wear the afro. Am I right>
You can learn something new:
The rogue wave phenomenon. Science is still trying to figure these things out. Once thought to be once every 10,000 years, freak non-tsunami waves 25 meters or larger actually occur on the planet about every other day. Rarely, they are caught on film.
Waves 50 to 100 feet, or even higher, are not considered "rogue" at Cortes Bank. People surf 'em.
Summer is a good time to watch for meteor showers.
Operation Clambake. An enemy of the Church of Scientology states its case against the church.
You can buy odd stuff:
A shelling net. You use it to scoop up seashells.
The Jesus of the week. You use it to scoop up heretical sports nuts. They also have featured "Touchdown Jesus", which is not the same as the Notre Dame version. "Remember folks, in the list of post-game speeches, 'Thank you, Jesus!' is second only to 'I'm going to Disneyworld!'" I get to say both this month.
For a contrary viewpoint, you can buy this shirt, which proudly tells the world that you’ve aborted your baby. If NAMBLA starts selling shirts online that say "I had sex with my little nephew", I'm throwing my cable modem in the trash.
Animal piss. Available in Fox, Coyote, Wolf, Mountain Lion and Bobcat varieties. You use it to scare your pet shitless.
You can sit and wonder what these people were thinking:
Bushes against Bush. So far, the Kerrys have not put up an anti-John site.
There be persons out there whose favorite thing to do is to help fat people become less thin.
The Wild Rose Shooters. I have no idea what the hell this is. It popped up as a false lead in a google search. To my knowledge, it appears to be pointless.
The worst former neighbor in the world.
And you can puzzle over why these twins were not raised together:
Katie Holmes and Amber Tamblyn.
Carlos Ghosn and Squiggy. Okay, maybe Mr. Bean.
The fireworks display was cool (I'm easily amused this morning--go figure).
I simply couldn't vote on my favorite Twinkie Box. They were all just so...colorful.
Posted by: Retro Girl | August 02, 2004 at 08:38