I love Craigslist's Free section, not only because I sometimes get free shit, but also because I see some of the dumbest stuff there. Usually, I am most amused by the (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Free heavy garbage of now value! Just haul away! Take all or none." ads. But sometimes, it's just the way something is phrased. Or spelled. Like this poor little girl, a mix between a Pug and a Chiwaewa/Chiwawa, who is being dumped by her owner of three years. Chiwawa?
I suppose it won't be as funny is she ends up in the pound, but for now, I laughed.
Now, life imitates art, as an ugly, strange, creepy man becomes one of the most prolific hit-and-run fathers on the planet. "Man who fathered 98 kids offers free sex service" Seriously, the world is being populated by kids made by this man and the women who will sleep with him for his sperm. And then they are being raised by those women and their husbands (or lesbian partners) who are perfectly okay with this creep bumping uglies with their mates. Gross.
I tried this at Universal's Islands of Adventure a year or two ago and it was good. I've now finally found a recipe. I want someone to make me this for my birthday...
Harry Potter’s Butterbeer
1 cup light or dark brown sugar
2 tablespoons water
6 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cider vinegar
3/4 cup heavy cream, divided
1/2 teaspoon rum extract
4 12 ounce bottles cream soda
In a small saucepan over medium, combine the brown sugar and water. Bring to a gentle boil and cook, stirring often, until the mixture reads 240 F on a candy thermometer.
Stir in the butter, salt, vinegar and 1/4 of the heavy cream. Set aside to cool to room temperature.
Once the mixture has cooled, stir in the rum extract.
In a medium bowl, combine 2 tablespoons of the brown sugar mixture and the remaining 1/2 cup of heavy cream. Use an electric mixer to beat until just thickened, but not completely whipped, about 2 to 3 minutes.
To serve, divide the brown sugar mixture between 4 tall glasses (about 1/4 cup for each glass).
Add 1/4 cup of cream soda to each glass, then stir to combine.
Fill each glass nearly to the top with additional cream soda
I'd say I was just kidding, in Gaelic, but I couldn't, because I'm not. And it really is true that there is no Gaelic J or K. That's fine. I don't need those letters to buy a "T-shirt and beer opener."
So this telemarketer calls and spouts out a bunch of stuff she thinks she knows about my home security system, and then asks me a question about our security system and asks what we are paying and how we're paying it.
Calmly, without profanity, I tell her "That's actually none of your business. "
She acts shocked, and says "You ... you are just rude!"
Like calling someone you've never met out of the blue and asking them about their finances and home security system is an exercise in politeness? I wouldn't think it is my business to ask questions like this of my friends or neighbors, but because you want to sell me something, you think it's not rude to ask me, even though we've never met? I don't think so.
Meet my new toad, Patrick. I named him after a guy I used to work for, who we all called "The Toad" when he wasn't there. I caught him recently. He wasn't hard to catch. In fact, it was so easy, I'm pretty sure he wanted me to catch him. So now I have a toad. But I don't know what kind of toad he is, so I'm not sure how to keep him, and what to feed him. Does anyone know what kind of toad this is?
Not sure I'm going to be able keep this up until Easter.
It's harder than it sounds. I was really addicted to non-alcoholic beverages, and probably had been up to a dozen or more per day.
I'm barely a week in, but I'm already getting some brush-back. Mostly from the business breakfast group. I ordered a Denver omelet and a Captain and Coke and they looked at me like I was daft. What did you expect me to order? Captain and Pepsi? Captain and Tab? Nobody drinks that shit.
That'[s when they started in with the "you shouldn't be drinking this early in the morning." I explained my lenten absention, but that only seemed to make them more annoyed and offended. So I left. If someone takes offense when a person who has given up non-alcoholic beverages for Lent orders a Captain and Coke with their omelet, they obviously are anti-Catholic bigots. And I have no time for anti-Catholic bigots
As the great Stephen Fry, Freeman of the City of London, once said, it's very common to hear people say "I'm offended by that," as if that gives them certain rights. It's not more than a whine. It has no meaning, it has no purpose and it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. "I'm offended by that." Well, so f-ing what?
I'm not one of those who thinks this is proof that Obama is a moron who can't spell, but it was funny. It would have been ten times funnier, though, if Dan Quayle was in the audience, and he had stood up and yelled "I think you forgot an 'E' there!" Good times...
Speaking of Quayle, I wonder if he finally started looking like a grown-up? Has anyone seen a recent photo of Quayle?
Saw this from a friend who blames Fox News for everyone thinking Obama is a big spender.
I'd venture to say that most of those 54% don't understand the difference between a budget deficit and the national debt, and that most of those, and maybe a lot of the other 46% think that the president, rather than Congress, determine the budget. In fact, unless the same party holds both the House and the Senate, the process goes like this: the president proposes a budget. One or both houses of Congress laugh at him and then fight among themselves to decide what the budget will actually be.
And how about the 27% who had no clue, but at least were honest enough to admit it. Those are probably mostly the "undecided" voters who actually make all of the important electoral decisions that run our country. If I'm right in that bit of speculation, it's kind of frightening, isn't it?
It says I grew up in the suburbs, surrounded by the worst traffic ever. Which is awesome, because when my parents found out they were going to have a baby, they were living in Highest Gunshot Risk, and they moved Somewhat Less Scary Area shortly before I was born. Here's the map, with a link to the L.A. Weekly article where I found it:
At work, no time for lunch, starving. Suddenly, it turns into my lucky day when I find this pre-cooked rice in the drawer.
Will I eat it, despite the "best when used by" date from December 2011. Hmm, what do I remember about December 2011? I remember that Former Brazilian football captain Sócrates died in Sao Paulo from complications of food poisoning. That's probably not a bad omen, though, because it happened on the 4th, not the 7th.