Marcus Wesson, that strange Fresno polygamist who killed a bunch of his kids and their moms --including one or two of his other kids -- is being denied visitors because officials think he might try to talk his surviving sons into committing suicide.
Ordinarily, I think suicide is a terrible thing which should never be encouraged. But in Michael Shechtman's case, I can make an exception. Shechtman shot himself Wednesday at the conclusion of a high-speed chase through Rhode Island. Why? He apparently didn't want to be caught alive with his murdered girlfriend's severed head sitting in a bag in the passenger seat. He shouldn't be thanked, exactly, but I do appreciate him sparing the taxpayers the cost of a murder trial.
Perhaps the subtitles in The Passion should include a warning that says "Do not try this at home." Or, at least, don't try it alone. If you are going to attempt crucifixion, you should do it with a friend. Though this should be self-evident, a rather foolish and despondent man was treated last week at a Pittsfield hospital after he nailed himself to a cross. He took two pieces of wood, nailed them together to form a cross, and placed them on the floor. He attached a suicide note before nailing one of his hands to the cross with a 14-penny nail and a hammer. Then, and only then, did he realize that would be unable to nail his other hand to the board. He gave up and called 911.
He's not alone. Some other idiot tried and failed to crucify himself recently, too. If these two had worked together, at least one of them might have succeeded.
That reminds me of some lyrics recently misheard by me. I thought HIM's song "Join Me" went as so:
Baby, join me in bed.
Baby, join me in bed.
Baby, join me in bed.
We are so young.
Our lives have just begun,
But already we're considering
Escape from this world.
And we've waited for so long
For this moment to come
Was so anxious to be together,
Together in bed.
I was wrong. No, it's not "in bed." It's never "in bed." It's "in death." As in "join me in death." Screw that. It's off my "interesting music list" effective immediately.
Some people might not have trouble reconciling both versions of the lyrics. It was seven years ago today that authorities found the Nike-clad bodies of Marshall Applewhite, aka Do, and his Heaven's Gate followers. They joined each other, in bed, in death. The group of 39 believers had practiced celibacy, abstained from drugs and alcohol, and had limited contact with the outside world. No wonder they didn't want to live.
The U.S. Army is upping its suicide prevention efforts after an investigation into 23 U.S. soldier suicides in Iraq and Kuwait last year. All soldiers are being sent to suicide prevention classes. That's one of the differences between us and them.
We try to prevent our boys from taking their own lives. They encourage their boys to take their own lives, especially if they can take a few civilians with them.
What we ought to be doing is educating suicidal Iraqis and Palestinians on how to protest in appropriately self-destructive ways.
For example, blowing up a bus with innocent people on board is inappropriate.
While running around like an idiot on fire is much more appropriate.
Now they know. Let's see what they do with this knowledge.
Keep that flamer away from me while I'm at the gas station.
Posted by: Jackie | March 29, 2004 at 21:01