Here's another list of fun websites I've found in the past few weeks.
First, as always, there is some monkey stuff:
You know that saying about people looking like their pets? This photo isn't about that, but it could be.
This photo is rumoured to be the explanation for Michael Jackson making his kids wear masks in public.
You can watch Steve Ballmer dance like a monkey. And you thought Howard Dean was a maniac? If I was Ballmer, and I knew this video was floating around the web, I would conspire to try to destroy the entire world wide web.
You can read sick monkey cartoons.
Or watch animated monkey cartoons.
If you want something more interactive, you can play Super Monkey Ball Mini.
And if that is not enough to satisfy you, you can always worship the monkey god.
You can read a few unusual blogs:
Most blogs die with their authors. Not this one.
This blog talks about big verdicts, which are almost as good as great big cash settlements.
This blog makes me blush. I do not understand why anyone would put their sex life out there like this, no matter how good or bad it got.
Church Girl does not date. Why? It would be like cheating on her future husband.
And this site isn't technically a blog, but it has all the elements of blogging. A post. A little self-importance. A play at its reader's money. It says "Bitch, shut the fuck up and go make me a sandwich. That is all." And that's it, other than the Paypal donation button. I wonder how much it has raked in....
You can take absurd quizzes. These things pop up like mushrooms on the forest carpet of blogging. Pick one and five more sprout up:
What Useless Tool of the Man Are You?
On the bell curve of wealthiest homo sapiens, where would they plot you? It says that there are about 6,000,000 people in the world who make less than me. Damn. If true, that's a lot of people who, like me, can't afford a trip to the Bahamas anytime soon.
Which New York Times Op-Ed Columnist Are You?
What Spelling or Grammatical Error are You? In high school, I was anialate (in lieu of annihilate), but now, I suspect I'm a who or whom error. I don't know for sure, I haven't taken the quiz myself yet. Why? Because it's total crap.
So, finally, here is the first online quiz that really does speak the truth.
This one, also, was eerily accurate amongst all I know who have tried it. Are you a boy or a girl? Write something, anything, and this algorithm will try to guess.
Tired of dumb onine quizzes? You can watch videos:
Most online flash animations are absurd. This parody of them is intentionally so.
This is, far and away, my favorite commercial on the air right now.
This is, far and away, my least favorite commercial on the air right now. A half-naked beautiful woman is not enough to salvage this 30 second spot.
This one is closer to the former than the latter. The subliminal ice cream ad. On my browser, clicking the "click here to download" link launched the video in windows media player. Your experience may vary.
Boil em', mash em', stick em' in a stew. These odd fellows have a potato fetish, apparently.
You can watch real video of an extinct marsupial wolf.
Pick the stupid quicktime little blue car video of your choice.
Watch a Finnish man teach you how to disco dance.
You've probably already seen the skateboarding dog.
How to land a passenger plane if you love hip hop. It's another "click here to download" link.
Deliverance, by a squirrel sort of thingy, and a penguin sort of thingy.
The yawning kid at the George Bush speech.
At my high school, the Asian kids were smart. But not at this guy's high school. (The last "click here to download" link.)
You do NOT want this guy dunking on you. Posterized? Oh, God, please, no!
A germ of truth. The comment about eating three burgers and a pound of bacon, but you absolutely cannot eat that apple, because it has carbs, is dead on. The Fat-Kins diet.
You can play games:
Play the real Donkey Kong.
The only thing lamer than real curling is virtual curling.
Segregate your balls. Don't try this at work. You won't get any work done.
Play mad shark.
I can do over 100 shots per minute. I have no intention of trying to improve on that mark.
Throw balloons off the Golden Gate Bridge. Might I recommend hitting pedestrians, dogs and cyclists? Might I also recommend avoiding the black cars with white trim?
You can engage in other odd activities:
You can annoy everyone around you by checking this out.
You saw the Bush Sloganator months ago. Now, of course, the Republicans have their own Kerry Sloganator. I liked this one.
You can learn how to pay a fee to a company that will claim to assist you in the pursuit of free money from the government or some benefactor, only to learn that the only person getting free money is that company -- which is getting free money from you. Check back a few weeks later, and, presto! It has reinvented itself as a slimy mortgage lead generator. It boasts of 1.95% loans, but those are available only to other people.
You can see something odd:
You used to be able to drag the arm of a disgusting Grover-looking shadow beast before entering Modest Mouse's website. Now you just watch balloons drift into or past a giant needle.
What would that chick look like bald?
John Ashkroft's face, made of little bitty porno chicks.
Accidental Video Game porn archives.
Safe for work porn. Not as sexy as it sounds.
Michael Jackson's facial evolution.
False Advertising: Jaclyn Smith nude =/= Danny Bonaduce's ugly puss.
You can buy strange or wonderful things:
Like a robot lawnmower.
Bid on wine auctions, like bottles of 1996 Opus One for less than $200.
FartyG [sic] bathroom lights.
Rubber stamps that say "All I ask for is one last chance" or "I swear on my mothers grave I'll never do that again."
T-Shirts: "I Fuck Like a Girl" Yes, they make them in men's sizes, too.
Which reminds me. You can get free condoms from the internet. Of course, you get what you pay for. And sometimes more. As much as I dig free stuff, I'd suggest paying for your condoms -- and not from the 99 Cent Store. Use those, and you might end up spending another 99 cents on the 99 Cent Store's pregnancy tests.
And, finally, you can sit and wonder why people bother:
The computer will guess which number you were thinking about. Wow. It got it right again. (The trick is pretty obvious)
Humans for sale? What are you worth?
Submit a picture and you can find out if you are white trash.
As I'm sure this is relevant to each and every one of you, here's how to decide whether you'll take the lottery jackpot in a lump sum or as an annuity.
If you truly need to use that link, and if it helps you, drop me an email and I'll be sure to stick a paypal donation button on here later this week, for your convenience.
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