Shaqqing Away Thoughts

Miscellaneous crap on my mind this weekend:

I've heard it over and over again for weeks, but I still can't believe that the Lakers are trading Shaq. Now comes the word that they are doing a deal with Miami that doesn't even include a real superstar coming to LA.

I was vacationing in Canada on the day Edmonton traded Wayne Gretzky to Los Angeles. I remember walking past the newsstand in Vancouver, doing a double-take as I saw the headline, then jumping up and down with my brother, high-fiving and laughing as several locals shot glances at us that were as venomous as any we've seen, before or since. If some bastard from Miami pulls the same behavior on me this week, I am kicking his ass.

If Kobe doesn't return to the Lakers, their starting lineup next year could look like this:
C Brian Grant
F Lamar Odom
F Caron Butler
G Kareem Rush
G Gary Payton

My Laker season seat renewal is due July 30. If Kobe isn't signed by then, I'm giving them up. I'll still love the Lakers, but I'm not paying $1,000 per seat per season for nosebleed views of a 35-47 team destined to struggle for a playoff spot.

Best headline on the story belongs to LA Times columnist Bill Plaschke: It's Not the Heat, It's the Stupidity.

Understatement of the offseason: CNNSI's headline: "Rudy T. hopes to coach Kobe."

If the story about Shaq is accurate, I hope that my Trojans get back to the Orange Bowl, and that I get a chance to see Shaq play in Miami while I am in town for the football game.

I really like the game Phase 10. It's a card game, best played with four players, so it is great for two couples to play after dinner. I'm pretty good at it, too, judging from the results of the past few games. But the game is primarily one of luck, not strategy. So bragging about being good at it is a lot like bragging that you are a good slot player.

I have an aunt who is a pretty good slot player. She won a multi-million dollar jackpot a few years ago. She doesn't brag about it, though.

I got an email that read: "Anna Brown has invited you to participate in First Vineyard. Click the link below for more information about this exciting program." I clicked the link, thinking it was some sort of religious thing. It was nothing of the sort. It was a credit card MLM program. I would suggest that everyone call them to harass them about their misleading spam, but I'm not sure if the telephone number, 801-383-1010, is a toll-free call. Is 801 a toll-free prefix now?

The Times list of top selling fiction looks like this today:
1. The Da Vinci Code
2. Rule of Four
3. Ten Big Ones
4. Jane Austen Book Club
5. The Five People You Meet in Heaven

I have read two of the five, which, to me, is remarkable, because I usually read about 40 or 50 non-fiction books for every piece of fiction I read. But I really enjoyed Da Vinci Code and Five People You Meet in Heaven. I wonder if the other three are worth reading.

Yahoo had some pictures from a nudist resort (the links were uninteresting). They were wearing shoes. A real nudist should not wear shoes.

The Orange County Register recently wrapped up an eight part series on The Women of Juarez. I have no idea why people in the OC would care enough about women from Juarez to justify an eight part series. They should have tried to sell the story to the El Paso Times.

President Bush loves Texas. President Bush hates taxes. I can't wait for someone to work those two thoughts into his teleprompter, back-to-back, just to see what happens. Maybe another "Fool me won't get fooled again!"

There is a guy I know who wears three pagers. He must be important. Or stupid. I'm guessing stupid.

I saw a homeless guy wearing a Members Only jacket the other day. Members Only apparel is only worn by members. I don't think he was a member.

On the other hand, the word "member" is also a semi-impolite synonym for a profane word describing a male body part. So, wearing Members Only apparel is a lot like donning a ball cap from South Carolina, which makes you a Cock.

I haven't seen Fahrenheit 9/11 yet. I don't think I will. All indications are that it is just a vicious hack job on George Bush, disguised as a documentary, filled with innuendos, exaggerations and half-truths. I haven't yet decided whether to vote for Bush this November, but I don't really want to get my voting advice from Michael Moore. Even Ted Rall considers Moore an "arrogant, hypocritical blowhard." Washington Post liberal Tina Brown also quotes John Kerry supporter Tom Baer as saying "Kerry should flee Moore's movie. It's Goebbels all over again." Goebbels, as many people know, was the famed Nazi propagandist.

While I will not see Moore's flick, I have seen Spiderman 2. Damn, that was a great superhero movie. Great plot. Great action scenes. Great special effects. It was better than the Supermans, better than the Batmans and way better than all the other ones that sucked. I cannot wait for Spiderman 3.

Comments

[Retro Girl]

I've not read The Five People You Meet In Heaven but I really want to. I listen to the author every day on talk radio.

I have been going to mention that I was once a HUGE basketball fan. I loved the Lakers, Bulls and the Celtics back in the day. Last night I was going through my basketball card collection and came across my Larry Byrd 3 card hologram set from 1992 and I'm considering putting it on ebay. I have no idea what it's even going for these days. I have a Michael Jordan rookie card that I intend to keep for a few more years--in fact, it may save me from being homeless someday. Speaking of Shaq, I came across his rookie card, as well. Those were the days.

[Reid]

I have some adivce for you.... haha... dump the Lakers seats and move to the iowa Minnesota border. Then buy Minnesota Timberwolves season tickets and Iowa Hawkeye College Football tickets. Mike Williams will have to sit out, from USC so their team is Done... The lakers are a wreck... I would invite you to seriously consider my offer. : )