Hypnagogic Sports Fan Thoughts

I got the strangest spam the other day. It just said:

epicene gargantuan chrysolite superstitious
so thoughtful fractionate referring
unadulterated swastika candlewick slog
plunk koran written ingenue

What the hell is that all about?

I was almost as perplexed by a judge's tentative ruling online last week which read: "[I]f the motion for summary judgment has to be continued or re-briefed due to the amended pleading, that is the way it is got be."

"The way it is got be"? Judge, you must be overworked and underslept. Either that, or you've taken up Ebonics as a second language.

I'm trying to get all my work caught up before my vacation. It's looking pretty good. I might not even have to pull back-to-back all-nighters to get it done.

I slept 11 hours last night. I followed that up with a 2 hour nap. Half of the rest of the day, I was only half awake. I haven't slept this much in a long time. It doesn't look like I missed much. It's been a quiet news day. The only news today, really, was the Greg Maddux story. I have a few weeks more until I start avidly followed the sports page again.

College football season starts in exactly three weeks. I can't wait, especially with my team favored to win the championship. I hope we get back to the Orange Bowl. I've been once. I want to finish the drive to Key West this time. I'm confident enough that I've reserved (refundable) airfare. However, I'm not buying tickets just yet.

I hated it, but that trade by the Dodgers isn't looking so tragic a week later. A series against the Pirates doesn't measure a team's greatness, but their play has been consistent all week.

Thanks to the Angels, Raul Mondesi's career looks done, but Andres Galarraga's looks undone. At 43, Galarraga wants to play one more September in the hope that he will knock out two more home runs to reach 400.

Mondesi, on the other hand, is toast. I wouldn't be surprised to hear about Mondesi doing something really weird soon, like going off to do drugs with OJ Simpson's girlfriend, a la Pedro Guerrero.

The sudden retirement of Ricky Williams left fans of the Miami Dolphins feeling cheated. I disagreed at first. Most of us would love to work just long enough to save enough money and then quit. Robert Smith did. Why should Ricky Williams be any different?

There have been quite a few elite athletes who retired in the prime of their careers. Most had good reasons. Magic Johnson had AIDS. Sandy Koufax wanted to avoid debilitating arthritis. Pat Tillman wanted to serve his country. Robert Smith wanted to pursue non-athletic interests.

Ricky Williams wanted to smoke pot. I take back my initial respect for his decision. Williams is an idiot.

I hope Lamar Odom doesn't retire to hit the bong. To hear him talk, he might actually prefer the huge ducats and the Laker experience, over a few hits from a fattie. When asked if he liked being traded to the L.A. not-Clippers, Odom said: "You ask anybody in the NBA what team they want to play for, when you get them away from their teammates and their fans, and they will say they want to play for the Lakers."

In spite of this unspoken advantage over all other franchises, I thought the Lakers were adrift without a plan until their moves this week. It is now obvious to me. They are trying to become the 1991 Bulls.

If the plan works, it looks something like this:

Kobe = Jordan
Atkins = Armstrong
Odom = Pippen
Divac/Mihm = Cartright
Grant = Grant

If it works, I like it. If it doesn't work, I hate it. I'll get back to you in May or June.

I just got my first look at the Lakers 2004-2005 schedule. The game I was most looking forward to -- Miami -- is going to be Christmas. WTF? Now I have to sell them. I'm not about to ditch the girls on Christmas to go to a basketball game. I still hope to see Miami and Shaq play this year, however. I have two choices. First, if USC goes to the Orange Bowl, I can try to catch Miami at home against Charlotte, Seattle or New York. If USC stumbles, I'll have no choice but to catch Miami on January 14 as I, gulp, attend my first Clipper game at Staples Center.

I guess it's just the way it is got be.