A man is flying in a hot air balloon when he realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field below. He lowers the balloon toward the man and shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I am late to meet a friend, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says, "I'm happy to help. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude."
After a brief pause, the balloonist declares: "You must be a lawyer."
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responds, "Indeed. And you ... You must be a client."
"Why, yes, I am," replies the balloonist, "how in the world did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
[the joke is almost as funny if you substitute Lenny and George in place of the unnamed client]
Today was an interesting day with my clients.
I started the day driving to San Diego for a routine court appearance. On my way back, I got a call from another attorney on my floor, telling me that our mutual client was in the office to pick up her settlement check.
Clients are interesting characters. In general, clients are easy to get in for an initial meeting. They are harder to get in during the middle of a case when, say, I need them to verify discovery responses. Then, after I settle, not only are they easy to get to come in, they might show up unannounced at any time.
So it went with this client. We had a nice settlement that will pay her well over $100,000, tax-free. The check was deposited in my trust account a few days ago, with a hold that was to be lifted today. I told the client to call and make an appointment to come in after yesterday. She didn't. She just showed up today.
Now, the trust account has exactly two signors -- the two shareholders in the firm. One was on vacation this week. The other, me, was in San Diego, with an afternoon appointment to follow. "That's okay," says the client, "I can wait."
Ultimately, via cell phone, I arranged a meeting at a Starbucks near my home, since I was going to get back from San Diego too late to make it in to the office. We agreed upon 4:15 p.m.
I got to Starbacks plenty early. Unfortunately, there wasn't an empty seat in the place, so I pulled up a chair on the patio and waited. The client arrived a bit late. She didn't even look for me (though we've met many times, and she would have no trouble recognizing me), because she hadn't seen my BMW in the parking lot. It never occurred to her that I might have more than one car. So she sat in a corner and stared at the door for 20 minutes. She never saw me come in and she never saw a 540 pull up. So she assumed I wasn't there.
She was, of course, wrong. Eventually, I looked up from my computer and saw her. I walked over just in time to stop her from laying down one of those Caribbean black person curses on me (her words, not mine). We wrapped things up, and she left with her fat settlement check.
Now, answer this for me. If you were meeting someone at Starbucks, and you knew he had a tax-free check for $100,000 with your name on it, would you not at least turn your damned head to look around for him before assuming that you had been blown off? I would. Hell, I would walk up to every single male adult in the house and see if he had my money.
I guess I'm more logical than the average bear.
I would've been walkin' up to every guy in the place if I took my eagle eye off the door for even one fraction of a second.
Have I ever mentioned I think most people have beans for brains?
Posted by: Retro Girl | August 08, 2004 at 07:05