I finally got my new scanner working today. I'm planning to scan everything I have in storage. It will take months, but by early Spring, I'll be able to start saving $100 a month on storage. That will pay for the scanner and then some.
My list of attorneys whom I would put voodoo curses on if I believed in voodoo was increased by one this month. After 13 years, the list is 9 names long. If you know someone who is really effective at voodoo, put them in touch with me.
I was planning to go to the Stanford game tomorrow, but I've decided to just watch it on TV instead. The decision was based, in part, on the fact that I can't TiVo the game to watch it later. It was based in larger part on my tired brain that doesn't feel like watching the road for 12 hours, roundtrip.
Strictly speaking, USC is not atop the Pac-10 standings. UCLA is. Nationally, though, UCLA trails USC in the polls by 1612 points.
I went to a great wedding earlier this month. It was at Disneyland. It featured the bride riding in Cinderella's glass carriage, an extended open bar, and a bunch of desserts that glowed in the dark. The only bad moment in the evening came on the dance floor. During a Bruce Springsteen song, a bunch of partiers started doing the electric slide. Remember that song "Rock 'n' Roll Heaven"? Well, there is no Rock 'n' Roll Heaven. I know this because if there was one, God would have looked down on that scene and hit the Smite button. And He didn't.
I need to start buying specially tailored suits with, like, three pants each. My suit pants fade a lot faster than my coats. Plus, the pants get ripped about 10 times for every coat that gets torn. It wouldn't hurt to have one of the pants about an inch bigger than the others, either. I figure, if the cost is twice as much as a regular suit, I'll get triple the wear, and within about 2 years, I'll be ahead.
We're going to print our vacation pictures this weekend. It was fun going through the digitals with my wife, remembering the great time we had last month.
I'm sorry Disneyland took out the Country Bear Jamboree. I enjoyed going to that back in Florida. Of course, the primary enjoyment was getting inside the air conditioning and off my feet. My feet were hurting by mid-afternoon, and a 20 minute show was just the ticket. That is, until the bears started bitching at us to clap our hands and stomp our feet. I'll applaud an animatronic bear, but I absolutely draw the line at stomping my swollen feet after walking 3 or 4 miles hot humid weather.
I'm sick of the Vietnam war talk in this election. Bill Clinton proved that valor in wartime has no correlation with your ability to govern. I dislike John Kerry for what he did after the war, but I honor and respect him for what he died in combat. I don't even care if he received more awards than he may have deserved.
As Republican as I am, I am still disgusted by those asshats who wore purple heart bandaids at the RNC. The last thing a warhawk should ever do is insult the soldiers who are out there doing our dirty work.
I have many friends in the service. I have a larger group of guys I knew, and didn't like, who are in the service. And to me, those groups are just one. Whether I liked them or not. Whether we could enjoy a beer together or not. They are out performing a job that makes my job possible. They deserve my respect, and they deserve the respect of every asshat in this country. Even if they screw up.
Next time you feel you are having a really bad day, but be glad you aren't having Owen Lafave's worst day. Pity Owen Lafave. First, his wife humiliated him by boning her 14-year-old student repeatedly. Now, she's refusing to consent to a divorce. She should sign those divorce papers and be grateful that he didn't murder her.
I also pity Mary Kay Letourneau's ex-husband, too, as the mother of his children is prancing all over the news media talking about her plans to marry the student she molested eight years ago.
It's enough even to drive a man into the arms of a pre-op transvestite. Well, at least it's enough to make Jason Alexander go there. Has any man slid farther, faster than Jason? Last we heard, he was married to Britney Spears. That's pretty elite company. Then he sold out, and let her people pay him to consent to an annulment. Finally, he ends up with Dude Looks Like a Lady. Pitiful.
But I can't pity them right now. I've filled my daily quota of pity.
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