Inaugural Playdate, Inmate and Bad Fad Thoughts

I originally started this as a collection of random thoughts posts. Lately, it's become more of a mix of web portal and USC football soapbox. My random thoughts junk is built as a memo file on my Palm Pilot. When it gets full, I post it and start another one. Usually, I go a week or so between full memos. Today, I've got a full memo in just a day.

Rick Neuheisel -- with whom I attended law school -- can't get a job as a head coach while his lawsuit remains pending against his former employer. That's as shocking as Louie Anderson testing positive for french fries or Paris Hilton testing positive for latex.

Someone has been hacking into Paris Hilton's emails. For most of us, that would be the worst invasion of privacy ever, but in Hilton's case, its no big deal, relatively speaking. If I caught the culprit, though, I would slap him upside the head for extending that hook-nosed bitch's fifteen minutes of fame. When is she going to go away? She's like a horrible fad that won't end.

Fads amaze me. Some fads are really cool, but most are pretty lame in the cold light of hindsight. Lame fads have included: 3D movies, Furbies, mood rings, baby on board signs, streaking dudes, unicycles, waterbeds, sea monkeys, telephone booth stuffing, afro haircuts, bellbottoms, coonskin caps, leisure suits, platform shoes, zoot suits, mirrored disco balls, louvres on hatchbacks, pet rocks, pogs, Beanie Babies and Pokemon.

Cool fads have included: the Rocky Horror Picture Show, baby in trunk signs, panty raids, streaking girls, hacky sacks and toga parties.

I think that, in hindsight, the latest fads -- magnetic car ribbons and colored cause bracelets -- will be judged as lame.

I hold it to be self-evident that car magnets suck, because if they were cool, they would never be seen on a car for more than a day before being stolen.

I also think colored rubber cause bracelets suck. The Live Strong bracelets were cool, but they became just another way to conform. And now there are so many wannabees that they all suck. Do you hate Bush? You need to wear a blue "Count Me Blue" bracelet, or a black "I Did Not Vote For Bush" bracelet. But the blue bracelet could stand for Hope, Juvenile Diabetes Research (light blue means the same; so does Orange), or half a dozen other things, including an anti-bullying symbol that seems to be a whoop-ass magnet. Red might mean you are a USC fan or a Bush voter. Jungle green supports our troops. Orange also means Lupus Awareness. Yellow still means cancer awareness but pink, more precisely, means Breast Cancer Awareness, for now, at least. It'll be gay pride any day now. Rainbow also means Breast Cancer Awareness. That'll mean gay pride soon, too. Because anyone can make a wristband of any color for any cause. And now they're doing it. So nobody knows what any of them mean.

That's lame. But not as lame as protesting in the snow with a misspelled f-bomb. Seriously, people, what is the point of freezing your butts off to protest an inauguration? The people who agree with you will still be exactly the same the day after your protest. And the people who disagree with you are just laughing at you, saying, "Look at those poorly dressed idiots freezing their asses off in the snow."

Save it for a better day.

Though I'm not a very strong Bush supporter or hater, I listened to his speech. I can sum it up in one theme sentence: I want to tax the shit out of you so that I can pay to send your friends overseas to get shot trying to impose freedom and democracy on an ungrateful and suspicious world.

I'm not impressed.

You know what does impress me? The work of those JibJab guys. Their latest animated music video, Second Term, (dedicated to Elvis) is pretty funny.

Almost as funny -- the Rams getting their asses beat in the Georgia Dome last weekend. The beating was poignant to former Ram fans here in the OC who would like to see Georgia's dome lopped off and tossed into the river.

Yesterday, I noticed that Rich Garcia, accused by some teammates of being gay, ended up with a Playboy Playmate of the Year as his girlfriend. Now, the report is that Mike Piazza, who once called a press conference to deny rumors that he was gay, is engaged to a Playboy Playmate. Is this a Rock Hudson move, or were the accusers simply as wrong as a wrong person can be?

If Richard Hatch starts dating a Playboy Bunny, I'll have my answer.

Richard Hatch, WTF? You didn't declare your Survivor winnings? I thought you were smart. You thought that the IRS workers don't watch Survivor? I knew you won a million bucks. My mom even knew you won a million bucks. You had to have known that the person who looked at your return would probably know, right off the top of his or her head, that you made a million bucks. You must be stupid, stupid, stupid.

Or -- wait a minute -- is this just a plot to get laid more often? There are probably a lot of big strong men eagerly awaiting sex with you in prison. You freaking genius....

Martha Stewart is already planning a new reality show to start filming once she leaves prison. I don't admire her for cheating on her securities transactions, but I admire her ability to think outside the box in a way few inmates can.

California's first death row inmate to be put to death since January 2002, Donald Beardslee made no last statement and ate no final meal. Some protester outside the gates of San Quentin held a sign that said "Death Penalty Racist." Not in California, dude. And certainly not this time. Beardslee didn't have a drop of color in his blood. Neither did Stephen Wayne Anderson -- the most recent California execution before Beardslee.

Anderson, like Beardslee, had no final words. That's as it should be.

Comments

[Retro Girl]

Count me is as one who really dislikes those bracelets.

[Cranky Greg]

Cranky's upset that you said Sea Monkeys were 1) a fad, and 2) a lame fad. Cranky is here to defend Sea Monkeys. Sea Monkeys are awesome! They can be trained. They grow. They are Nature's Miracle. Run down and get you some. Cranky guarantees you won't be disappointed!