Married Priests

I found this interesting website about married priests. There was a time when I thought being a priest might be a great vocation. One of my high school teachers never called me by my name, always referring to me as "my theologian." But I was not willing to forego having a wife, children and other descendents.

There is some scriptural support for the position that celibacy can be good. But I don't agree with people who construe the Bible to dictate that priests must not marry. It is true that a person who can be content leading a celibate life will be able to avoid certain distractions, but those distractions, it turns out, can actually drive people out of the clergy.

In the case of Michael Baker, who chose pre-teen boys as his sex partners, being driven from the clergy was a good thing. Though he never touched me (he had a steady "boyfriend" my age when I was in fourth grade), I feel rather betrayed by this asshat. I actually went to confession and said "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned" to a guy who was raping little boys my age.

In the case of Michael Nocita, it is really unfortunate. Outwardly, Father Nocita was the single best priest I ever met -- charismatic, caring, able to relate to young people like me. He eventually left the cloth and married. It is a shame he was not able to stay and still maintain a family. About all I know now about Father Nocita is that he is running a business in LA, and is, apparently, a good friend of Dennis Prager.

If priests could marry, more Catholic men would consider the priesthood. Fewer pedophiles would do the same. And priests would have fuller richer lives. If I had a vote, I'd vote for letting priests marry.

=========================

Update 2012:

There are no words sufficient to describe how embarrassed I feel for having written this post in 2005. Regarding Michael Nocita, I really had no idea. I would never have believed it had someone told me in 1981, 1982, 1983. Some of the comments just blew me away, even more so when I learned that they were people I knew and liked, and it pains me to know what I now know about him and them.

There have been new developments in the law since these incidents occurred, and remarkably, some of the women who were abused by priests even back in the 1980s may still have valid claims. I've spoken at length with some of the lawyers who are successfully bringing these cases, and they've achieved some impressive results, including cases for my own friends and clients. I hope they find more success for every single person who was victimized by these monsters whom they admired and trusted.

--Michael Walsh

Comments

No, anyone who would make a statement like that, followed by the word "peace" is the one who needs help.

That person needs help with their lifelong jealousy issues.

I'm sure many of the women who were hurt by Mike Nocita can cut you some slack on your anger and ruthlessness toward him. But to call his wife a "victim" and continually harm his family is just plain evil.

How does hurting someone (who had nothing to do with the pain that was inflicted on you) benefit your healing process?

In fact, after reading the Ciudad Magazine article, I wonder just how much abuse you suffered. You spoke of viewing beautiful Art, being comforted and kissed after a breakup with your high school sweetheart. Receiving love letters, photos and gifts, but you make no mention of the actual acts of abuse you suffered. It seems to me that you may have been treated quite well, until Mike decided to moved on to his next romance. Welcome to the club!

Has it ever crossed your mind that your overall credibility in bringing about clergy sexual abuse awareness is also being negatively affected?

Please use your settlement money to get yourself some much needed help.
Take your family on a vacation. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better.

I think it could have a ripple effect and bring us all a little PEACE.

no one needs help but Lisa Nocita. Peace

desi- desired, longed for. hmmm

You can have that feeling back. Believe in yourself. Realize that you are special and there is no one else like you. You don't need a man or a priest to make you feel that way. You can do that on your own. Be kind to yourself and others. The rest will fall into place.
Peace

[Desi]

Mike was amazing. He made me feel like I was the one truly special person, and no one else was like me, and they all were less than me. I'd like to have that feeling back.

Isn't the lawsuit over with now? Who cares about the media event?

Spend your time and money wisely. Unless someone else needs your help, just take care of yourself.

I learned that in elementary school.

I'm not ready to give up on trying to help you or any other women heal just yet.

"It is not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it"- Hans Selye

Exercise! (www.curves.com or 1(800)754-7505)
Music Therapy and Self-Help Books on Tape. (free ipod, www.keybank.com)

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free"- Catherine Ponder

Why hold onto the "soul murder" weapons? Dump the baggage by changing your thoughts. Shred the photos and letters, donate the gifts to charity.

"The forgiving state of mind is a magnetic power for attracting good"
- Catherine Ponder

Open up your mind and heart to those who want to help you.

"If you want greater prosperity in your life, start forming a vacuum to receive it"- Catherine Ponder

Use your energy to help, not hurt others.
(www.volunteermatch.org or www.Mentoring.org)

Peace

did you all know there is about to be a media event surrounding nocita - it should be interesting and i don't think it has anything to do with yoga

or yoga

good. maybe you can start up an interfaith aerobics class.

many people are into wellness especially after the settlement monies - you know, the blood money given to catholics, by catholics.

I also want to tell you an amusing little story about ipods.

I won mine by correctly answering a trivia question in a community entertainment magazine, similar to Ciudad Magazine.

I was so excited, I told everyone at work. A few weeks later one of my co-workers asked me how I liked the ipod. I told her I didn't know yet because I barely knew how to turn it on. You see, I am not a savvy technology geek but rather a technology dork. So my co-worker offered to help me with it. She downloaded all kinds of music, books on tape, etc. for me. We became friends over that silly little gadget.

A while later her ipod broke. I felt bad because she had been so gracious helping me with mine. As luck would have it, I was given another free ipod. This time through my bank. So I gave the ipod to her. She was delighted but didn't need it because her husband had given her a new one as a gift. So she passed it on to someone else.

Moral of the story, the ipod got me exercising again. I began feeling better, like the sporty gal I used to be. I also made a new friend and I consider her an angel. So, if I ever get around to writing that childrens activity book it'll be titled after her, "Windy Wellness".

No, it wouldn't. That is why I am trying to help you.
I think of you often and it is my hope that you will heal as best you can.

I am not a psychologist, therapist, spiritual advisor, etc. but I do know the benefits of exercise. It helps with depression, anger, anxiety and other mental health issues. What makes me an expert on this topic? Not my Bachelors Degree, my life.

Tossing out the Nocita memorabilia, exercise, proper nutrition, and humor will help you feel better. Even if it's only for an hour or two at a time. The rest is up to you.

Peace

What about the victims who have committed suicide already - will an ipod help them?

I'm sorry.

I think you should try to lighten up your world, turn it around and let go. Change your thoughts. First off, shredd all the photos and letters Fr Mike gave to you. Donate the jewelry, gifts, etc to Goodwill. Next get yourself a comfy pair of athletic shoes and an ipod. Download some funky upbeat music but steer clear of any tunes that may bring back bad memories.
When you feel angry, grab the ipod and redirect those feelings by going for a brisk walk on the beach or nature trail. If your mind is filled with thoughts of Mike burning in eternal hell fire, lighten it up. Imagine something that would make him miserable and make you laugh.

Example: Next time he travels First Class is booked. His new seat assignment is in coach, the middle seat towards the back of the aircraft, right next to the lav. On one side of him there is a stinky fat guy, a cranky mom with a sreaming baby on the other. The flight is bumpy, upsets his stomach. The flight attendant accidently spills a drink on him. When they land his luggage is no where to be found. He'd be miserable! Mission accomplished!

Now, let it go. Say a little prayer, then focus on yourself again. Feel the endorphins kick in. You are strong and confident and improving your health! Keep going!

When you're depressed and feel tempted to eat something unhealthy, lighten it up. Grab an apple (like Eve).

My advice crazy and immature? Definately!
But it's no crazier than allowing damaging thoughts of Mike Nocita ruin the rest of your life.

You have many things to be thankful for:
You're educated.
Have the wonderful life experience of being a mother.
A successful husband to travel the world with.
A nice place to live.

Don't direct your anger toward your family or Mike's. It's not their fault. They're probably suffering too.

Use your experience to help others. Mentor teenage girls. Help them learn how to set appropriate boundaries so they don't suffer the way have.

It's your life. Lighten it up, turn it around, and let go.
Peace

THIS WAS NOT A TRAGIC LOVE STORY - BUT A CRIME OF HUMANITY. HE MURDERED GIRLS SOULS!

Ciudad Magazine cont.
Very powerful words for a 16 yr old girl to receive.
Although I see this as more of a tragic love story than sexual abuse, I feel for her. So much emotional damage has been done, so many people affected. I pray they can let this go so their families can heal.
Peace

Martin, thank you for posting your comment about Father Mike entering the seminary at such a young age. No wonder he had celibacy issues. Most kids that age can't even handle a paper route. Do most priests and nuns receive the call as children or are they "groomed" into it? Catholicism remains such a mystery to me. I finally read the article in Ciudad magazine concerning Mike and Esther. It seems to me that he cared about her very much. "He loves the girl without reserve".

playboy priest

[Martin]

I was a St. Paul male grad that looked @ Fr. Mike with much skepticism. He had model looks and physique that the girls dug. Something not mentioned in these blogs that I recall was him choosing to walk the prettiest seniors girls to class with one arm around them along with papers, books etc..., in the other. This seemed to be done on a daily basis(with the three most popular/pretty senior girls). Yes, we were jealous!

After high school, I too attended St. John's Seminary in Camarillo. I remember Mike Nocita always telling us stories of his seminary years. What is sad is that he claimed to have made up his mind to be a priest when he was in the minor seminary at Our Lady Queen of Angels(Jr. High). The archdiocese chose to close the minor seminary down in the mid 80's since the church realized that a lot of the students being fed from this site to the college were not as grounded and mature.

The seminary made it mandatory that we all took a psychological battery test upon being accepted. My first day upon entering, my temporary roommates consisted of two guys, one who has been given a free get out of country pass to Peru by Cardinal Bologna, excuse me #$&%** Mahoney. All of this after he molested a 15 year old boy. In the 'Report To The People' on Pg 24 out of 39 @ http://archdiocese.la/protecting/pdf/White_Paper-10-12-2005.pdf , the article from the archdiocese claims that Fr. Carl Tressler was investigated but not charged and then told by the church after the priest received therapy that he could no longer practice as a priest in the archdiocese. This priest then moves to Peru and is immediately given a job by the bishop without Cardinal Mahoney's recommendation?????? Nice try Mahoney, I do believe you have better lines of communication than you claim between Peru and L.A. When will this bullshit stop! I am tired of the excuse by catholics that this behavior is in all of the church denominations. Sure, I'll by that, but at this magnatude??? One way to keep the pedophiles out, let the priest marry!

choose use abuse...excused

flirt hurt desert

shouldn't someone warn mike's current parish of his past criminal behaviour? is he volunteering in the youth group outings - yikes?

I think that not even as another year passes as Fr. Nocita blows out the B-day candles with his victim wife, Lisa, will this erase the crime of sexual abuse of minors.

Nocita used GOD as part of his grooming to get to his victims -indeed this is a mess that will continue as crimes continue to be covered up.

what a disaster. my heart breaks for the innocent ones not even invovled.
but i think GOD will continue to help us clean up the mess.
perhaps that is something former fr nocita will keep in his thoughts, prayers and wishes as he blows out the candles with the beautiful family he has been blessed with.

Indeed Fr. Nocita was and is a predator - we should all watch out for him and his charm.

mike is a predator slithering his way into people's lives, grooming kids only to have his way with them - this is criminal.

[mona patil]

good and sexy

mike nocita is a criminal, walking free, only waiting for the next chance to molest minors. god help us all - protect your kids from this monster.

He'll never account. God does not care. He's too busy to care.

the survivors of nocita crimes are heros for enduring the terrible crime of child sexual abuse...no doubt nocita will account for these horrible actions and miss use of his power over the victims.

"why don't you move on?" was meant for the march 8, 2008 10:29 post, if he/she is so concerned about letting "this poor family move on" they could start by moving on themselves

we will never move on - we must do all we can to stomp out clergy sexual abuse. no other child should suffer the life of a sexual victim - this is a crime.

why don't you move on?

Do you have a life? Let this poor family move on.

Anyone read ciudad magazine article re: nocita?

Please don't dismiss the "feeling better girl" as she indeed is a nocita survivor. apparently her healing journey is just begining and we will all hold good thought for her to receive as she sorts out what this monster of a clergy person dumped into her life back then.

[feeling better girl]

My comment was in response to the previous post, meaning I'd read a book written about Mike Nocita if I found one on the shelf at Barnes and Noble. Nothing more.

I googled his name after watching the televised Christmas Eve Mass from the Vatican. Please understand that discovering all of this has been upsetting to me. I didn't know him as well or as long as the rest of you. During our brief friendship/relationship, I thought he treated me like a princess (for lack of a better word). I was confused and disappointed so I posted some thoughts and questions. I want to thank those who responded, it's been helpful.

I now need to take a break, focus more on myself and less on what is written about Mike Nocita.

P.S. I met Mike in '89 not '98. I typed it backwards on purpose.
He wasn't married with kids then, but somehow I knew he would be one day.

I wish peace and happiness for EVERYONE.

What does 98 refer to ? If that was the year, he was married.

Feeling better girl.... You are not believable. Just another attempt to bring about false information about a good man. Good luck on a book. It will never happen.

[feeling better girl]

If a book about Mike Nocita comes out, I'll read it. As for now... I need to take a break. My feelings are of disappointment, not devastation. (I guess I'm one of the lucky ones).
Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts.
Peace

keep finding out more things about perps, this will help your recovery. you will soon see how his grooming lead into the final acts of abuse. more stuff will be posted in print about nocita, i think sooner than later. i heard someone is going to write a couple of books or memoirs so stay tuned. you are not alone on this healing path. there are many nocita victims and some doing really well, others still in PTSD and really quite ill.

No, he wasn't married. He was a Priest. If he had been married when I met him, none of this ever would have happened. I'm beginning to understand "grooming". No one, before him or after, ever treated me so well. He set the standard. It's so disappointing to find out it wasn't real. Like I mentioned before, I wish I had never Googled his name.

was he married at the time? What time frame? Too many woman.

Mike Nocita told many of us, if not all of us, it was a "gift from GOD." Please seek out therapy with someone who is an expert in the field of incest or clergy sexual abuse. You will come to understand the grooming affects that lead to the sexual abuse whether there was penetration or not. It is a long healing journey - I wish you well on your discovery.

He also told me it was "a gift from God".

Is it considered clergy abuse if:
I was not a parishoner?
I was an adult and agreed to the relationship/friendship?
Was treated exceptionally well and flattered by it all?
Knew it was going nowhere but enjoyed the time, however brief?
Affection took place but sex did not?
Felt sad when it ended but cherished the memories?
Feel conflicted now, years later?
I'm trying to understand my perception, the SNAP info is overwhelming to me because I don't understand if I was abused.

A therapist by the name of Mariana Thomas is well acquainted with clergy sexual abuse matters - I believe she is still at the Living Success Center in Costa Mesa, CA. Give them a call as they are a non-profit counseling center.

[confused/embarrassed girl]

Ok, thank you.