Some are probably dead already, and many more will be gone soon, but for now, here are the Demi-Blog links for May:
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« April 2005 | Main | June 2005 »
Some are probably dead already, and many more will be gone soon, but for now, here are the Demi-Blog links for May:
May 31, 2005 in Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
May 31, 2005 in Photographs | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Today, at the beach, we had a crazy person freak out at everyone, then run from the cops, strip naked and head into the ocean. When I heard this, I immediately rushed to the crowd along the shore and uttered a brief prayer asking that the crazy naked person be a female swimsuit model. My prayers were not answered. The crazy naked person looked like the winner of a Charles Manson lookalike contest. Bummer. Luckily, the cops and the lifeguarded nabbed him and quickly slapped a yellow tarp around him so that he only flashed his junk, briefly, two or three times. Even more luckily, my daughters were not on the beach when this whole thing went down.
In case you are wondering, that yellow thing in the cop's rear waistband is a taser. And, yes, they broke out the taser a couple of times.
May 30, 2005 in Personal Events | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
Happy Memorial Day. Or is it Labor Day? I can never keep those straight. Anyway, I'm at the beach, but you must be looking at the computer right now, so if you can't get to the beach, but you want to be entertained, you could consider one of these video options:
1. Store clerk embraces the dark side. If this robbery-gone-bad video is real, it's pretty disturbing.
2. This, also, could be fake. But if not, the dude deserved it.
3. This is maybe the gayest way to have fun without touching another dude.
4. These guys think monkey sex on a car is the funniest thing ever.
5. If you were at Disney MDM or Disney California Adventure right now, you could fall down the Tower of Terror.
Beer. It's not for everyone. (Banner ads NSFW)
6. There are times when you should just let your glasses stay unclean.
7. Don't watch this if you are afraid of flying.
8. Every class has one student who is the worst. For example, the gun class this guy attended.
9. Here's a news story about a shocking crash that gave a guy only minor injuries.
10. Finally, and quickly, this is the worst goaltending I've ever seen.
I don't know if this Anheiser-Busch ad is real, but if so, it would piss off Vietnam vets and Muslim teetotallers.
May 30, 2005 in Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
I have been going through about a million pages of crap I've stored over the years. I'm scanning about one percent of it, and shredding, burning or tossing 99%. One of the pages I kept is this one. It's from the employee handbook of the first law firm I ever worked for. Page 25 was priceless. Section IV of part something-or-other warned us: "It is the firm's policy that only error-free, superior quality work leave this office." Examples of crap that they wanted to avoid leaving the office began with "A. Misspellings."
So then, right below it, in Section V of part something-or-other, we were given our dress code, including prohibitions against wearing: "Leather skirts" or "Leawther pants." And we couldn't wear culottes* "regardless of lenth."
I once gave my mentor, Art**, a legal research memo with a misspelling in it. He gave me a small ration of shit over it, whereupon I broke out the employee handbook and with a perfectly straight face, argued that, "as Sections IV and V clearly imply, spelling errors are not tolerated on work that leaves the office, but on work that is not intended to leave the office, such as a research memo or an employee handbook, such mistakes will be tolerated. I will, of course, adhere to any firmwide quality standards that you wish to impose."
I managed to keep the straight face for the full 30 seconds or so that he pondered my fate. After what seemed like a very long 30 seconds, he laughed. He told me to have my secretary fix the spelling error "just in case the client asks to see a copy of the memo," and then we went to happy hour at the Red Onion, where he bought three or four rounds of drinks.
* If you know what a culotte is, you know something I don't know.
** Art passed away last year after a long illness. The world is a lesser place without him.
May 29, 2005 in The Legal Life | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Another list of stuff I've seen in the past week or two.
First, some interesting blogs to read:
This is an old-fashioned BBS, but it reads like a blog.
Marla Swoffer can be entertaining or serious.
Google has its own blog. The GoogleBlog.
The Plumbutt Chronicles is heading toward manifesto land, so I might never link to it again.
You can watch amazing or amusing videos:
Darth Vador pimps an idea for a movie.
A pretty funny scene from Scare Tactics.
Full Metal Classroom.
Nuke videos to a Doors soundtrack.
You can play games:
Kill the undead. Deanimator.
Draw stuff with 5-15 other artists at once. Crude penis etchings are inevitable.
Let's bowl!
Help the clowns. I refused.
You can see interesting stuff:
A redneck limo.
UFOs on google maps.
How to pretend you are stronger than you are.
The bronze age was sexier than historians thought.
You can learn something new:
How to pack efficiently for your next trip.
How to make living green graffiti.
How to calculate your criminal penalty for sneaking stuff onto planes.
How to start your own cult.
You can buy strange things:
Chunks of your favorite celebrity.
A digital camera hidden inside a pen.
"Christian panties."
And FemDefense, a defense against rape.
You can sit and wonder what these people were thinking:
The girl who looks the same in every photo.
The people who thought "let's cover the glacier with a sheet so it won't melt."
Ouchy the adult-themed clown. Clowns = Bad.
"Nolawyer.com," run by a disbarred Arizona lawyer who got busted cheating and breaking the rules, and then fled to Mexico where he peddles legal briefs to people who represent themselves in court.
You can puzzle over why these twins were not raised together:
Natalie Portman and Yul Brenner.
Mexican president Vicente Fox and actor James Garner.
You can check out a place far, far away via web cam:
Mallory Square, Key West, Florida.
Cruise terminal, New Orleans, Louisiana.
Tembe Elephant Park, South Africa.
Playa Vargas, on the Caribbean coast of Venezuela.
You can listen to the radio in some other city:
Newport Beach alternative radio, Indie 103.
Tennessee talkradio WLAC 1510.
BBC London 94.9.
Choose from 25 cities in the CBC network.
You can check out some weird news photos:
A lady who breast fed tiger cubs until they died of malnutrition.
The "see no evil" monkeys, maybe.
Mr. Britney Spears picking his ass.
With all his money, this is as hot a chick as Michael Jackson could get.
Finally, you can read a good bullshit story:
Saddam signs with Calvin Klein.
Dollar bracelets sold to draw attention to the folks trying to rid us of dollar bracelets.
Waiter uses customer compliments to pay bills.
A modest proposal to rid the world of gays.
Actually, I'm only kinda sorta sure that last one was fake.
May 28, 2005 in Things To Do | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
Indonesia beaches are a much safer place to vacation if you are a Timothy McVeigh than if you are a Cheech Marin. As several bloggers have noted,
If you smuggle nine pounds of pot into Bali, and get caught, and you shouldn't expect to go home for 20 years. Which means, of course, that smuggling pot into Indonesia is just not worth the risk.
For the same price -- 20 years -- you can bomb a nightclub and kill 200 people every 30 months, eight times. Of course, if you only want to bomb the nightclub and kill 200 people four times, you can get away with just ten years in the can. That's quite the penal bargain.
May 27, 2005 in Law | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
I found this gem in the in box four times in the past week. People must assume that because I'm a big college football fan, and maybe also because I'm white, and not particularly politically correct, that I'll think it funny. I don't. It's more racist than clever, and the stereotype of college athetes as fools and criminals who don't belong on campus is old and unfair to thousands of college students who play sports and still make grades:
Well, folks it finally arrived.....the 2005 College Football scouting report for the upcoming NFL draft! The following scouting report is making the rounds of Division I college football coaches:
Wayfron P. Jackson : - 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music. Will demand a mini cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most "you know's" and "what I'm sayin's" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins : - 6' 3", 220 lbs.. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, NC Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell : - 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler, Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red brick."
Woodrow Lee Washington : - 6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending but feels he will be found innocent because: - "The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.
Willie "Night Train" Smith : - 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the "N" on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing number 32 jersey since it matches his score on his College Entrance Exam.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples : - 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other colleges but was also willing to sign with us. Likes wild women and red Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: - 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville. Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)
Note : - College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar alarm.
Most of the college athetes I knew were fairly smart, and they all had a much tougher time making grades than I did, since I didn't have 24-7 athletic obligations on top of my academics. A large number of the better attorneys I meet were athletes in college. They aren't stupid criminals now; and I'm guessing they weren't stupid criminals in college, either. But the people who send these things around wouldn't know. Not one of the people who sent it to me, or whose names I saw on the miles of uncut headers at the top of the thing, went to college.
But on top of that, the premise is faulty. This is a scouting report for the NFL draft, yet the college coaches are supposedly checking it out? And the track coaches? Why would they give a shit about who the NFL is scouting? Whoever wrote this doesn't understand the interplay between NCAA sports and the NFL, and, if I had to guess, I would guess that the author isn't any brighter than Willie "Night Train" Smith" himself.
May 27, 2005 in Sports | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
The headline in the UK Telegraph was bad enough:
"Sisters pregnant at 12, 14 and 16. So what does their mother do? She blames the school."
But then I read the rest of the story.
The three sisters live in Derby with their twice-divorced mother, Julie Atkins, who does not work, and receives annual welfare benefits of £31,000. You would think that being able to stay at home and raise her children, she would have time to teach her daughters about the realities of life, and, hopefully, inspire them to keep their legs together for a few more years, but no. She has deferred completely to the educational system. "I blame the schools. Sex education for young girls should be better. More and more kids are getting pregnant younger and younger and sex education needs to start a lot earlier. If I could turn the clock back I would definitely prefer them to not have children as their education is so important. They've all ruined their lives because they are all too young to have children."
You might wonder if this woman was just ambushed by a bad set of circumstances that all occurred before she knew what was happening. You might wonder, but it isn't true. The 16-year-old had already had two miscarriages and an abortion. Maybe it's just me, but I believe that, after your oldest teenage daughter gets pregnant three times, you need to stop worrying about whether the schools are going to parent your children and start doing it yourself.
The 12-year-old, Jemma Williams, was the first to become pregnant, giving birth to her son T-Jay in February. "T-Jay." That's what happens when you let a child start making up names. Mom had no idea she was pregnant until she was seven months along. "I only found out when I took her to buy a new bra and as she was being measured I saw her huge bump," said the mother. I can understand not knowing when the child is three months along, four months along, but at seven months, with a "huge bump," if you aren't noticing something is wrong, you must be stupid, stupid, stupid.
And she doesn't even have the excuse that she was a single working mom. She's a sit-at-home-on-your-ass welfare mom. The least a sit-at-home-on-your-ass welfare mom can do to earn her £31,000 per year is pay attention to their children.
Jemma's now raising the child herself in her mother's house. The father, who was 14 at the time, has a new girlfriend now. Sadly, mom didn't warn Jemma that 14-year-old boys might not stick around and help raise the baby. Bad mom.
The 14-year-old, Jade Williams, said she had been determined not to do the same, "after seeing all the dirty nappies and her sister enduring sleepless nights." (The story, however, says the girls got pregnant within three months of each other, so maybe that apparent inconsistency means the story is untrue.) But she became pregnant after a one-night stand, giving birth to a daughter in December. She thought it wouldn't happen to her. And the schools didn't explain things, and neither did mom.
One mother earlier, the 16-year-old, Natasha Williams, gave birth to Amani. Amani's father, who is 38, comes see the child from time to time, but "he's Asian and still lives with his parents, so they don't know about me or Amani." Natasha doesn't worry, though. She doesn't really want to be "anything but a full-time mum," she said. And Britain is the place to do it. The Centre for Policy Studies reports that in Great Britain, a married couple's average weekly salary leaves them just £1 per week better off than single mothers who never worked and had no contact with the father of their children.
The three-generation family now lives rent-free in a three-bedroom house, which they claim is too cramped. Mrs. Atkins continues to hope for more from the public trough. "Hopefully we may be able to get a bigger house, but who knows?"
She lives, for free, off the labor of her fellow citizens, and she has the nerve to complain that it's not good enough. Maybe she's right. Maybe she and her babies and their babies will get more from the hard working people who support them. Maybe it isn't her. Maybe we're the ones who are stupid, stupid, stupid.*
May 26, 2005 in Strange | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Yosemite is creeping toward summer. The waterfalls are still gushing. Glacier Point road was scheduled to open to the public yesterday at 8 am, although there is no estimated opening date for the Tioga Pass yet.
I really want to hike to the top of Half Dome this year. I might be taking a training hike on Saturday to Santiago peak, the highest point (5,687') in Orange County. Like the Half Dome hike, it runs about 16-18 miles round trip and has a 4,000' elevation increase. The view won't be as good, though.
May 25, 2005 in Travel | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
May 24, 2005 in Photographs | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
So I was watching the credits at the end of Revenge of the Sith, and I saw an actor being credited for portraying Jar Jar Binks. Maybe I blinked and missed it, but I saw no speaking part for that annoying character, and the only reference I saw of him was a computer generated image of him marching along at a funeral procession. Do actors get credit for silent computer generated images? If so, I want that gig.
Anyhow, since you've all abandoned watching TV in favor of watching Star Wars movies, perhaps when you're done, you'll be entertained by some of these clips:
1. What does a serial killer look like in everyday life? Check out the very normal news footage archive of BTK.
2. Don't play this de-stresser with the volume up at work. But talk your hated rival into trying it.
3. How not to look cool taking off on your hog.
4. Proof that the moon landing was faked, allegedly.
5. Unlike Natalie Portman, bottle rocket fights can be hard on the eyes.
I like those Star Wars video game ads. This is my favorite.
6. This is a pretty neat bicycle trick.
7. This is the coolest tennis court in the world, but if the ball goes out of bounds, you need to just let it go.
8. A collection of cool outdoorsy video clips.
9. "Hello? F*ck!" A funny clip for, like, ten seconds. Then it continues for another minute and a half.
10. Disney MGM's Rock 'n' Roller Coaster. The video is pretty good, considering the lighting. I'll bet the video looks even better if you are on meth.
Finally, this is a great yellow pages TV ad, but I'm still using online directories from now on.
May 23, 2005 in Television | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
If you know me, and live near me, and you like peaches, give me a call and come by for some free fruit. My tree is spitting out dozens of ripe peaches every day, and we can't eat them all.
May 22, 2005 in Personal Events | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
I like werewolf movies. I eagerly awaited "Ginger Snaps Back," which I finally watched on cable. It was my least favorite werewolf movie since The Boy Who Cried Werewolf.
While I still have a deep-seated fear of werewolves when I'm in the woods, I don't really believe in them. But there really are people who believe in weird shit like that. And you can listen to them every night on the radio with Coast to Coast A.M. with George Noory. Art Bell is on it from time to time, too. Tonight, the feature subject is Brazilian UFOs and "Dr." Roger Leir, the leading "expert" on the subject (for full details, visit alienscalpel.com). The callers sound like Rick Moranis's character in Ghostbusters and the hosts treat them like they are insightful scientists, with comments like "now, are you sure that the aliens aren't merely implanting these memories from a remote location?" Hmmm, good point.
While I suspect that some of the callers are just calling to be funny, I know some people really believe this stuff. I personally know a woman who used to put peanut butter in her hair and wear an aluminum hat to ward off unfriendly telepathic messages. She considered herself a "clairaudiant," which is like a clairvoyant who hears, but does not see, paranormal phenomena. The news last night had a story about a family that leaned aluminum roofing materials against all their walls, windows and doors to keep unfriendly neighbors from beaming radio waves into the home. Sacramento officials have given the family until tomorrow to remove the stuff. I sense a lawsuit coming....
The City of Anaheim's lawsuit against the Angels for changing their name to The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim is set for trial in November. The city's attorney, Andy Guilford, was disappointed not to be getting to trial before the World Series. He's afraid that, over time, people will get accustomed to the new name.
I'm still not used to it. I don't think I will get used to it. LAA v. LAD on the scoreboard just looks bizarre.
I still root for the Dodgers against any team except the Angels, but I think Dodger fans are idiots. They booed Steve Finley this weekend for returning to Dodger Stadium in an Angels jersey. However, Finley didn't leave the Dodgers, the Dodgers dropped Finley. He never got a contract offer from the team after last season.
Fans should be booing Paul De Podesta instead. Especially since the once 12-2 Dodgers have now won just 10 of their last 28 games, exposing them for what they really are -- a weak, middle division team.
That reminds me. My Laker season seat renewal is due in a few weeks. I'll wait until Tuesday to decide. Unless the Lakers get a top lottery pick or Kevin Garnett starts demanding a trade (something that wasn't so unthinkable three years ago), I don't see much hope for this team improving to any better than 5th or 6th in the western conference next year.
I really wish Afleet Alex had won the Kentucky Derby. I love that horse. Even though local Hollywood Park horse Giacomo was still in the running for the Triple Crown, I wanted to see Afleet Alex win. The story behind it is inspiring and the way that horse won the Preakness was awesome. It was a slick bit of riding by Jeremy Rose, too.
Now I want to buy a horse. You see, sometimes, especially when I watch the Academy Awards, I want to ditch the law and try acting again (I did high school drama and once fancied myself to be a future SAG card holder); and during the opening ceremonies at the Olympics, I often want to find some obscure sport that America sucks at in the Olympics and take it up; and when some shitty band sells out the Pond, I want to take up songwriting again with one of my old musician friends who didn't sell out and go to law school.
So now I want to buy a horse and run him in every Triple Crown race. I want to be the owner of a horse that America talks about for seven weeks, and I want to win outrageous purses and then retire him to stud and make a fortune in stud fees.
But with my investing luck, he'd probably turn out to be gay.
Never mind.
May 22, 2005 in Random Thoughts | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
We rolled into work on Thursday around 9:30 a.m., by which time it is usually packed and impossible to find a good spot to park. But the lot was half empty. It couldn't be Revenge of the Sith, could it? Well, maybe. We do work in a "technology center" and they did sell $50 million worth of tickets on Thursday. It was just as empty yesterday.
I'm not sure, because there have been three moving trucks in the parking lot since Monday, and we might have simply lost a tenant. But if the lot is back to normal next Thursday, I'll know it was just Star Wars geeks playing hookey.
May 21, 2005 in Curious Events | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Old and busted:
Elegant Bride magazine
Bride's magazine
Modern Bride magazine
New England Bride magazine
Today's Bride magazine
American Bride magazine
etc., etc., etc.
Net hotness:
Southern California Divorce magazine, with such wonderful articles as "secrets for dealing with a difficult ex." There's an online version, too. It's been around for ten years, but I'd never seen it until tonight. Luckily, I don't need it.
May 20, 2005 in Strange | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
A "lesser panda" is making the news by standing on two legs like a person for about 10 seconds at a time. I'm not sure why there is such a fuss being made over this, but I suppose, intuitively, we all like bipedal animals, whether they are walking monkeys or meerkats or, in this case, a "panda" that looks like a fox in a tiny bear suit.
May 19, 2005 in Newsworthy | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
As a population, the Muslim world almost uniformly hates America, and that's apparently okay. In fact, some would argue that it is our responsibility to understand their hate and change, so that they don't have a reason to hate us.
And yet, each time there is an isolated incident of someone expressing hate, or even disrespect, toward a Muslim, outrage is expressed. The world of Islam has trained itself to react to the slightest slight like a PETA freak watching a guy in a leather jacket and snakeskin boots eat an endangered green sea turtle burger. (yum) You've seen it. "Death to America" is a great theme for a march, yet "Death to Muslims," written by one anonymous moron, is a newsworthy symptom of the evils of American society, and no one should sit idly by and allow this to happen.
When someone allegedly flushes a Qur'an down a toilet, Muslims riot. But when someone cuts off a civilian westerner's head after weeks in captivity, it's all good, because the murderers are "holy fighters". And even if Muslims are murdered en masse by "insurgents" seeking to restore the good old days of Saddam Hussein's Iraq, there is no outrage. There is no fatwa declared. The news stories are sterile. After all, the death of innocent Muslims is a necessary consequence to avoid "the great evil of disrupting jihad." As long as the Muslims are not killed by westerners, there is no need to mourn their passing.
So, to sum up, a town full of Allah's people is expendable, but a page of Allah's words is worth protecting at all costs. A million people hating all Americans is okay. One flippant jackass who hates Muslims is a reason to condemn all Americans. I don't think anyone will ever explain these things to my satisfaction.
May 19, 2005 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
I once had a fellow attorney ask me what I thought was the best way to attract million dollar cases. "The best way is to already have million dollar cases," I replied. Secretly, I wondered if my response was genuine, or rooted in a subconscious envy of more successful attorneys, because, for the first five years of my private practice after leaving big firm life, I had no cases worth more than a million dollars.
I now know that I was right. I never had a million dollar case until 2002. I've now had several. And when prospective clients come in with the case that's worth a million dollars, I know their faces will light up when I tell them about the last case that we won that was worth several million dollars. And I know they are going to hire me. But the truth is, I am pretty much the same lawyer I was four years ago, when I considered anything over $100,000 to be a big case.
About the only difference between a lawyer who's had a bunch of million dollar cases, and a lawyer who is still working on his first, is that the former has an easier time staring down the first seven figure offer from the other side and expressing disinterest. I still remember the first time someone offered a million dollars to settle a case. I immediately called my wife. "We just got a million dollar offer on S's case," I told her. We felt like celebrating. It was a big deal.
Today, on the other hand, we got a settlement offer of a million dollars on one of our cases and we just said no. We didn't even make a counter-offer. Tonight, my wife asked if anything interesting happened today, and I told her no. After all, today's offer wouldn't even pay for a quarter of Vanessa Bryant's apology ring.
However, upon further reflection, I suppose it was interesting how uninteresting today's million dollar offer was.
May 18, 2005 in The Legal Life | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
May 17, 2005 in Photographs | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
I didn't do a Monday video links post, because nearly everyone in the world, except me, was watching Everybody Loves Raymond. I've never been able to stomach that show for 30 straight minutes. I'm not sure why, I just didn't like it. I don't like Raymond, I don't like his idiot brother, and I've never liked even a single character played by the bald guy who portrays Raymond's father. I thought I was alone, but Bainbridge is with me on this one (although I'm not sure he hates the bald guy like I do).
Anyhow, so it's Tuesday, and you are all done with Raymond. So here's some funny stuff to keep you laughing until 2009, when the networks plan to roll out their next funny sitcom:
1. First, his 'chute ripped away and disappeared, then it got worse.
2. Peanuts, the way Charles Schulz's evil twin would have done it
3. This banana thing looks like it was dreamt up by a schizophrenic on LSD.
4. Psst. Hey, PETA people, wanna try some of my KFC? It's good.
5. Apparently, Fred Durst's homemade movies all suck. This one shows Fred when he wanted to be Vanilla Ice more than anything in the world.
With Lord of the Rings done, and Star Wars about to be done, what's next? The Chronicles of Narnia, of course.
6. This is the most laughing I've ever seen without there being anything funny.
7. The Daily Show offers Laura Bush's second standup routine.
8. I'm going to use this video to motivate myself to lose weight.
9. Watch this guy break all 10 commandments before breakfast.
10. The Tonight Show pits Morse code against text messaging.
Parting words from our sponsors: This is a Ford commercial, featuring a man who, unlike all other men, does not look over his shoulder while peeing alongside the road.
May 17, 2005 in Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
His parents named him Priestley, but don't you think Jason and his new wife look a bit more devilish than priestly?
I know it's superficial, and few things are less worthwhile than commenting on a former cast member of Beverly Hills 90210, but this couple could be cast in a film as Satan and his witchy bride and they would never have to sit in a makeup chair.
May 16, 2005 in Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
I think we will get a verdict today in the Samantha Runnion murder trial. I predict that convicted child rapist and murdered Alejandro Avila will get death.
As long as I'm pretending to be Michel Nostradamus (sans quatrains), I've had an irrational fear of earthquakes for the past few days. The last time that happened, it was only a few hours before Northridge shook uncontrollably for a few minutes and Los Angeles freeways, parking garages and apartments started collapsing all over.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure someone is going to be shot on the freeway again this week.
May 16, 2005 in Strange | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)
I love Survivor. Last season was weak and almost unwatchable. This season was a lot of fun to watch. Tom Westman was the best player who ever played the game. And it couldn't have been better than to watch a finale in NYC in which a NYFD man wins the game in a landslide.
I'm not sure what was eating Coby. Ian was the busted obfuscation master. Tom played above board. His rejection of Jenn to her face was as honorable as anything I've seen, and his confrontation of Ian was also as straight up as it gets. If Tom did anything unscrupulous or dishonest, they didn't show it on screen. Coby is an idiot. But it's nice that he has come to grips with his life as a gay man, and that he adopted him cousin's unwanted child and named her after the Vegas stripper showgirl he met during Survivor Palau.
I also thought Ian's final move was pretty slick. I think he believed, probably correctly, that his best result was to come in second, either to Katie or Tom. The money between second and third isn't significant enough to leave the game feeling like an ass, and Ian left the game looking as cool as can be.
I didn't enjoy the post-game show as much, however, primarily because they let that screwball singing wench sing another crappy song. But, I'm looking forward to the next season.
Rob & Amber Get Married, on the other hand, I cannot watch and will not watch. That just goes too far. We like the game, but that doesn't mean we like watching the players in their private lives. I love the NBA, but that doesn't mean I'm going to put off doing something useful just so I can turn on the tellie and gawk at Kobe Bryant's next wedding. I mean, c'mon. What's next?
Please don't say "Rob & Amber's Wedding Night."
May 15, 2005 in Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
If you have have trouble sending or receiving this as an email, here is the 100 years slideshow I made for my grandmother's birthday.
May 15, 2005 in Personal Events | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
So I was reading my Bible the other night after watching a news story about certain Christians protesting something gay, and I noticed that Leviticus does say that gay sex -- to lay with man as with woman -- is an "abomination" to God. I thought I remembered it saying something like that. And that doesn't bother me much, because I'm in the group of men who do not lay with man as we would with woman.
However, upon further reading, I was dismayed to find that God finds to be an abomination many things that I either do, or like, or both. For example, did you know that, if you are a Christian or Jew, your belief system says you cannot cross-breed animals? [Lev. 19:19] I was sort of diggin' those zonkeys and ligers. But then again, maybe it's only cattle that cannot be cross-bred. It depends upon your translation.
The list of abominations includes eating animals from the seas or the rivers that do not have fins and scales. [Lev. 11:9-11] I love lobster, shrimp, abalone, scallops and even sea urchin. Damn it (literally). Pigs were unclean and improper food, too, says the Lord, but at least pigs are not an abomination. Eating an eagle, vulture or buzzard is. [Lev. 11:12-14] Luckily, I haven't developed a taste for any of those. Other abominable foods include "all flying insects that creep on all fours" (which means those Survivor and Fear Factor contestants are Hell-bound) and "every creeping thing that creeps on the earth," which means snakes and stuff, I think.
Sacrificing a bull or lamb with any blemish is an abomination. [Deuteronomy 17:1-3] Fortunately for me, blowing off the sacrifice altogether is not an abomination.
Taking the gold from images of other gods could be an abomination, too, even if your seized those false gods in a crusade. [Deuteronomy 7:24-26] I'm not sure what implications this might have for my dreams of stealing part of the upcoming King Tut exhibit. Stealing is a sin, of course, and even coveting breaks one of the commandments, but going for the gold of another man's god is a full-blown abomination. Was Pharoah considered a god in Tut's time? I think he was. So I better leave that stuff alone, lest I risk my immortal soul in additional to jail time.
A woman wearing pants or a man wearing a woman's garments isn't just funny. It is an abomination. [Deuteronomy 22:4-6] So that high school dude who wore a duct tape tuxedo last year to prom was fine, until this year, when he wore a dress. Now he is an abomination.
Here's a strange one. "You shall not bring the wages of a harlot or the price of a dog to the house of the Lord your God for any vowed offering." Why? Because "both of these are an abomination to the LORD your God." [Deuteronomy 23:17-19] This, of course, means that you and I are supposed to tithe, but Heidi Fleiss and the owners of the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm get to keep their money. God doesn't want it. In fact, He thinks their money is an abomination.
Earlier in that same chapter, God warns us that he doesn't want the child of an unmarried woman to be part of his church. Not only that, but he doesn't want that kid's son, or his son's son's son, or his son's son's son's son's son's son's son's son to be part of God's church. That's just sounds wrong to me, but I shall judge not, lest I be judged.
Here's one I actually like: my wife's former step-monster divorced her first husband and then married my father-in-law. When they divorced, she went back to her first husband. You know what that makes her? That's right, an abomination. "Her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord." [Deuteronomy 24:3-5] Interestingly enough, my church teaches that divorce is a sin, but Deuteronomy 24 starts out by giving permission to divorce as long as a man finds some uncleanness in his wife.
A "carved or molded image" is an abomination to the Lord. [Deuteronomy 27:14-16]. So those wax zoo animals I got at the L.A. Zoo in 8th grade were abominations, too, and the nuns didn't even warn me.
"A proud look" is an abomination to God. [Proverbs 6:16-18]. So the adage, "show a little pride" is really just a temptation of the devil. Come to think of it, the last time someone dropped the "show some pride" line on me, it was my homeowner's association hounding me to paint my shutters. Those guys are the devil. Now it makes sense.
Diverse weights are an abomination to the Lord. [Proverbs 20:10]. I hope that means scales to cheat buyers and sellers. Because if it's referring to the fabulous selection of muscle-building devices at L.A. Fitness, I am going to Hell, just as soon as I get around to working out.
Finally, if you turn your ear away from hearing the law, and then later, you pray, your prayer is an abomination. [Proverbs 28:9]. The next time some judge rules against me, I'm invoking Proverbs 28:9. Disregard my oral argument explaining the law and you can never pray again, lest the Lord find you to be an abomination, Your Honor.
I'm sure the judge will enjoy hearing that.
May 14, 2005 in Religion | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)
Though I once was, I am no longer superstitious. Still, I pay attention to superstitious things, like paraskevidekatriaphobia. Today, of course, is Friday the 13th, the day we all fear because there were 13 people at the Last Supper, and witches like to meet on Fridays, and they like groups of 13, including the devil, and the dark Norse goddess Freya usually met with her evil friends on Friday the 13th, and of course, that was the day that began the 1307 persecution of the Knights Templar by the French crown (and I'm a bit of a fan of Jacques de Molay). Last year, Hurricane Charlie ripped a few new holes in Florida on Friday the 13th. This year, the day started off as the worst day in 45 years for New England serial murderers, but that didn't really concern me.
Now, however, it's 9:00 a.m., and my day is off to a lousy start. First, my daughter was upset because I didn't sign a permission slip for something about which I want to know more. So I tried to talk to the teacher this morning, hoping to find out that my concerns are unfounded. Unfortunately, the teacher wasn't in today. His mother had a heart attack and he is at the hospital.
Next, I had a somewhat important court appearance in Los Angeles. Sadly, the judge had to take his wife to the hospital, and we checked in only to find that the whole matter was going to be put over a month because the judge couldn't take the bench today.
So my day is off to an unlucky start. But it's been a lot more unlucky for the people I've been scheduled to meet. I'm already starting to worry about the client who is supposed to come in a 2:00 p.m. At the rate we're going, his kid's school is going to blow up or something.
May 13, 2005 in Curious Events | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
We decided today that one of our two summer trips is going to be New York City. I've been to New York City twice -- once on the way to Cooperstown from Virginia Beach, and once on the way to Virginia Beach from Cooperstown. On the way up, I drove through lower Manhattan just before sunrise after gambling all night in Atlantic City and saw the sun rise over the skyline. On the way back, I went across a couple of bridges and didn't stop because my buddy and I wanted to get back to Atlantic City before the weekend was over. That was back in the day, when there were still more gas stations than Indian casinos, and blowing $200 on loose blackjack play was a special treat.
This time, I'm going with the family, and we're going to be there for about five or six days before cutting it short to come home for my brother-in-law's wedding. Aside from the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building, we haven't decided what is worth seeing and what is worth skipping. Any suggestions?
May 12, 2005 in Travel | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (1)
The L.A. Times ran an article today about Oliver O'Grady, a charming, Irish-accented priest from Modesto who molested at least two dozen innocent children even after his bishops knew about it. You have to register with the Times to get story, but it's free. The article comes with a video link to an excerpt of the priest's videotaped deposition in which he explains how he chose victims, and how he got "permission" to molest them. The reenactment of his "pickup lines" made my skin crawl.
"Hi, Sally. How are you doing? Come here. I want to give you a hug. You are a sweetheart. You know that. You are very special to me. I like you a lot."
O'Grady was promoted to pastor by current Los Angeles Cardinal Roger Mahony, even after O'Grady had been known by Mahonry and former Bishop Merlin Guilfoyle to have engaged in sexually inappropriate conduct with children, including crawling into bed with an 11-year-old girl -- an event that led to O'Grady writing an apology letter that ended up in his personnel file. O'Grady testified that former Bishop Guilfoyle didn't order him to seek counseling after the incident and seemed angry that he had apologized.
They have not yet invented cuss words strong enough to convey my reaction to this.
I have a relative who rarely steps foot in a Catholic church anymore, out of fear that God will smite him for having divorced his wife. I'm going to show him this article and tell him he needn't worry. Until God gets around to smiting the likes of Fr. O'Grady and Cardinal Mahony, a simple sinner like a divorced Catholic should be safe from God's wrath.
May 11, 2005 in Newsworthy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Every so often, I get a song in my head and I can't get it out. Sometimes I fight it, sometimes I don't. This week, the song is "Scarborough Fair" by Simon & Garfunkle. I tried to fight it and I failed. I give up. I'm just going to keep playing the mp3 over and over again until it burns itself out. The only really bad thing about it is that there is one part of the song that sounds a lot like an incoming instant message, which has faked me out repeatedly.
Still, it's not as bad as that one time when I fell asleep with the mp3 of "Bela Legosi's Dead" in repeat mode and my wife and I both had nightmares all night.
May 11, 2005 in Music | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
Much in the way that the Jungle is always the most popular subject in the Jungle, the blogosphere is always one of the most popular topics in the blogosphere. The circle of bloggers that I read, some of whom even read me, remains a bit abuzz over Brittney Gilbert's paid gig blogging for a TV station in Nashville.
Here in SoCal, KCBS-TV has started blogging. Its main blog -- it has three -- is called "Let's Blog," and it is written by Kent Shocknek, a news anchor who, to this day, remains best known for turning ash-white and diving under his desk when a Northridge quake (or was it the Whitter Narrows quake?) aftershock struck during a live broadcast. Locals still refer to him as Kent Aftershocknek.
Unlike Brittney, Kent was a "real" journalist before becoming a blogger. So his blog should have an extra dose of trustworthiness, no?
I don't think so.
In today's feature, Kent tells us how so few people serve their jury duty, which, in general, is a real problem. But at the end of the post, he cites some anonymous source at the Norwalk courthouse -- a branch of the Los Angeles County Superior Court system. Kent writes:
Norwalk will try again this week. It's looking for 200 jurors. A jury manager says they'll be lucky to get 10. That's one in 20.
Bullshit. The math is okay, but the underlying facts are false. I don't know if Kent is the bullshitter, or the "jury manager" is the bullshitter, but that is complete bullshit.
I try cases in Norwalk. There is no place in L.A. County where you get to a jury faster. Show up on Monday at 8:30 a.m. with a scheduled trial date and you will be in trial by 1:30 p.m. -- at the latest. That should not, would not, could not happen if they were "lucky to get 10" jurors. You can't empanel even a single jury with 10 stragglers. It takes 12 to start, and that is after the lawyers get to strike potential jurors from the pool. Moreover, civil cases always take a back seat to the criminal trials, so if they have time to send in 18 or more jurors from which I can pick my civil jury, they have a shitpotful more than 10 people showing up.
"They'll be lucky to get 10" jurors is an intriguing story line. But it just isn't true.
I've heard it said that blog isn't short for "weblog." It stands for "better listing on google." Ask a TV news anchor, however, and you might be told it stands for "bullshit, lie or gull." I guess the mainstream media thinks that blogging means you don't have to be right anymore.
[Update: Here's another crappy TV station blog: Click On Detroit.]
May 10, 2005 in Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
The two most photogenic features nature has to offer are trees and water. When I can combine the two in one shot, I'm a happy shutterbug.
It doesn't even have to be natural to catch my eye. This photo was taken Sunday at Disneyland. The tree is very near the Tiki Room, and the water fills the pond between the gateways to Adventureland and Frontierland.
May 10, 2005 in Photographs | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
So we pull into a McDonald's on our way home from this party and they have one of those driveup screens that put your order in bright lights, and the prior car's order is still on the screen: 5 McChickens, 4 double cheeseburgers, 2 supersize fries, 2 vanilla cones, a coke, a shake.
It must be a van or something, right? No. We pull around and see a beat up car that I wouldn't take if someone offered it to me for free to drive around while I'm visiting Tijuana, and it has a young man and his girlfriend inside.
I'm guessing that they had the munchies. I'm also guessing that they tipped the McDonald's people with some of their stash, because there is no way that happy burger jockey wasn't high. Why would I assume such a thing?
We ordered my daughter a hamburger, plain, with just pickles. They gave us a bag, inside which was a wrapped hamburger bun, inside which was nothing but four pickle slices. No meat. Just pickle slices and bun.
And there are people who think we should raise the minimum wage.
May 09, 2005 in Personal Events | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Monday TV still sucks. I'm just gonna watch this stuff and go to bed:
1. I have no clue what the article says, but the surf footage is awesome.
2. To celebrate Disneyland's 50th birthday, Kelsey Grammer falls off the wagon stage and curses.
3. An 8 Mile style rap off wherein the black dude is owned by the Chinese dude.
4. The late Tommy Seebach was once known as the "King of Danish Pop." This is proof that Danish pop is a pathetic kingdom. Whatever you do, watch long enough to see the bikini natives.
5. There are a slew of PES videos to choose from. I liked the little Dodgers fan one.
And now a word from our sponsor:
Um, stewardess? Please tell me our pilot isn't Jonesing for his Paxil right now.
6. Jimmy Eat World took that awful "Apache" video, cut it up and made it suck less.
7. Men in Coats, the funniest 2 man act since Penn & Teller.
8. If you prefer sporting events where the participants don't kill the spectators, you are looking at the wrong video.
9. Disneyland is still working on some of the 50th anniversary renovations. Check out this video of the Space Mountain roller coaster with the lights on.
10. This is old, but funny. I still use the phrase "All right, Janice," as part of my normal everyday conversations.
Our parting shot would be a great commercial for anyone other than Jeep.
May 09, 2005 in Television | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (1)
If you still didn't get your mom anything good, you might want to try some of these gift ideas, but remember, last minute gifts aren't always the best:
1. If mom likes to cook, the apron of flesh might be a winner.
2. A nice new bird doll might be appreciated.
3. Only the richest children can afford the runaway bride on a piece of toast.
4. One John Paul II trading card just sold for $8,000. This limited edition 20-card set can be had for $11.95. And if she heard the first story, mom might think you spent $160,000 on the set.
5. If mom's mailbox has been used for mailbox baseball recently, a skunk-oil mailbox might be of some use to her.
6. If mom needs a new purse, and her cat is already dead, this could be nice.
7. If mom has been complaining about those new red light cameras on her way to work, this might be just the ticket.
8. If mom thinks her house sucks, you can buy her this pneumatic elevator and it really will!
9. Mom can record almost anything and plug it into this motion detector. My mom would have liked to stick this outside the bathroom with a little "Did you remember to put the seat down?" recording.
10. And finally, if your mom has been investigated by child protective services too many times, she might really appreciate a FOYODFF sticker.
If you're already set for Mother's Day, it's never to soon to start thinking about Father's Day. For example, I don't know what in the world these things are, but I know that I want one. Hint, hint....
May 08, 2005 in Lists of Five and Ten | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
The story begins like this: "A woman identified by authorities as Denise Coke was arrested after a drug-sniffing dog discovered 33 pounds of cocaine in her vehicle." Hmmm, could it be that simple? I wonder if we've stumbled onto something here.
Perhaps the police should consider doing a pat-down on Tuch Pot or pulling John Meth over and checking out his ride. I'd suggest checking out the home of Abraham Meth, too, but in a town like Flushing, people know how to get rid of the evidence when the cops knock on the door.
Homeland Security is probably hoping for a pattern to develop here. They might be able to make our nation safer just by nabbing a few obvious suspects, like Tony Bomber, the potentially scary "H Jacker" and the very suspicious sounding DC Jihad.
I'd check with legal before taking Sue Bomber into custody, though, because she might be useful.
May 07, 2005 in Newsworthy | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
A friend of mine from Boston, who knows I went to USC, was asking me this week about New England's last draft pick -- USC backup quarterback Matt Cassel. During his college career, Cassel completed 20 of 33 passes for 192 yards. He had no touchdowns and one interception. His biggest play was recovering an onside kick that helped ensure the Trojans' 29-24 victory over UCLA at the Rose Bowl last season, preserving the Trojans' perfect record and Orange Bowl bid.
Why would the defending champions select a backup quarterback with just 33 college passes under his belt when 2003 Heisman winner Jason White of Oklahoma and Timmy Chang of Hawaii, the NCAA's all-time passing yardage leader, were available? I can think of a few reasons.
For one thing, although Cassel was second string for three straight years, the guys he sat behind won three BCS bowls, two national championships and two Heisman Trophies. How many quarterbacks would have started ahead of Matt Leinart or 5th year senior Carson Palmer? Few, if any. And Leinart barely beat out Cassel for the starting nod in 2003.
Cassel impressed NFL scouts during a workout at USC in March. And his size is ideal. What's not to like about a 6'5" quarterback with good mechanics?
Cassel will be content to sit and learn at New England. With the talent on that team, they can afford to teach and groom him for a season or two, gambling that he will develop under the right circumstances. The Patriots know that college success is not always indicative of NFL success. The past history of Heisman winning NFL disappointments has shown that the right situation can let a mediocre pro prospect shine (e.g., Eric Crouch, Chris Weinke, Danny Wuerffel, Gino Torretta), while the wrong situation can conceal a superb talent (e.g. Terrell Davis, Kurt Warner, Drew Bennett and, of course, Tom Brady) If Tom Brady couldn't start full time at Michigan, but as a sixth round draft pick, could eventually replace Drew Bledsoe and win three Super Bowl rings, anything can happen with a guy who was second-best to a pair of Heisman winners. And there is no team I would trust more to pluck a gem out of a late round than New England.
I still think they should have taken Matt Grootegoed, though.
May 07, 2005 in Sports | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Yesterday was a day for numerologists to love. May 5, 2005 can be expressed as 05-05-05. I don't know if 5 is a lucky number or not. It was unlucky in the film version of Where The Heart Is, and someone once told me that Canadians, and in particular, Chinese Canadians, despise the number so much that buildings in some places go straight from the 4th floor to the 6th, much like American hotels usually call the floor above 12 the 14th floor.**
I don't know if any of that is true, because I can be easily fooled with a clever lie about Chinese Canadians, but my day absolutely sucked. A case went down the tubes; I had to waste a bunch of time on unprofitable tasks; a check we really needed didn't come in; an afternoon appointment had to be cancelled; I missed all the Cinco de Mayo celebrations; and my little one was sick and we couldn't go to the Disneyland grand re-opening.
The news was full of depressing stories about high school kids dying in car crashes, gas prices and interest rates going up, and Alejandro Avila's family beating and molesting each other, so as to justify the wimpy sack of shit runt of the family growing up to kidnap, rape and murder 5-year-old girls.
I didn't put up a post yesterday for the first time in months because I felt absurdly down and didn't want to put something ridiculous on the Internets for Google to cache and store forever. However, I did notice some errors in two of my last four posts, and so I corrected them and reposted them.
About the only good thing yesterday was that, on Survivor Palau, Gregg Ken and Jenn Barbie didn't see the vote against Gregg Ken coming. How pathetic is that when the highlight of my day is a reality TV moment?
I need to reset my perspective. I'd open the Bible, but the temptation to turn to Revelation would be too great. I think I'll go watch The Family Man or Meet Joe Black.
** That trick doesn't fool me. You'll never catch me sleeping on the so-called "14th floor."
May 06, 2005 in Personal Events | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
I've been thinking about this blogging whore thing, and I've decided to become more of one. So, to that end, I'm pulling from my bloglinks anyone to whom I have linked since 2004, but who has not linked to me. At some point in the future, maybe the near future, I'll add a list of blogs I read whether they link to me or not, but not for now. I feel so empowered....
May 06, 2005 in Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
I'm watching Wheel of Fortune, and the first puzzle is
LE_ _ ING _Y
_ XA _ PL _
And the mother/daughter team on the right buzz in and blurt out "LEARNING BY EXAMPLE", or maybe more accurately, "LERNING BY EXAMPLE." I don't know. It was wrong. But as soon as they utter their answer, they start jumping up and down and squealing like champs. I wonder if they went to college at Nebraska, where the N stands for NOWLEDGE.
A moment later, another team correctly guesses "LEADING BY EXAMPLE" and remains calm until Pat Sajak tells them they're right.
The first idiots go home having solved no puzzles, but they get a $1,000 consolation prize for entertaining us.
[fixed]
May 04, 2005 in Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Disneyland turns 50 in a few weeks. They will be celebrating all summer with festivities that begin on May 5, for the public, at least. To get ready, the park is closed today. This will be the first time Disneyland has closed to the public since I can remember. But it won't be closed to everybody. If you are one of a few VIPs, or one of the lucky annual passholders who got a random invitation, you can be there at the Sneak Peek. More than a few people want to buy their way in. eBay is their market of choice.
Amazingly, people are paying hundreds of dollars to get into Disneyland to see the new look a day early. More amazingly, they are doing so despite the fact that the tickets they are buying say, right on them, that "tickets for this event are non-transferable and not available for purchase since entrance to Disneyland park will be limited to invited guests only." Sadly, some sellers didn't disclose the restrictions, and raked in as much as $450 per pair for tickets that, according to the Disneyland official I spoke to, won't get them into the park.
Out of curiousity, I might scope out the feedback of some of these sellers after people get turned away at the gate.
May 04, 2005 in Newsworthy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Southern California is awash in billboards for a Spanish language TV news show, which proclaim KRCA-TV's home to be “Los Angeles, CA MEXICO.” People are going berserk. L.A. people are already fed up with the burdens of illegal immigration, and the last thing we need -- aside from another illegal alien driver's license law -- is to have billboards proclaiming that Mexico has taken over.
KCRA is not good for Los Angeles. They have published polls indicating that a majority of their listeners believe that California rightfully belongs to Mexico and should be returned to Mexico. Their listeners belong to groups like "La Raza," which translates as “the Race” and MEChA, which has this slogan: “Por La Raza Todo, Fuera de La Raza Nada!” which means “Everything for the race. Everything outside the race, nothing.” Of course, if you find this offensive, you are the racists, not them.
The governator has spoken out against the billboards. Local radio talk show hosts are on the verge of working themselves into a stroke, and KFI has started posting counter-ads on its billboards, as shown above. Yesterday, someone plastered the stars and stripes over the word “Mexico” on one of the KRCA billboards here in the OC. Rumors are circulating that the billboards are being changed on Friday, but there is still no official word. KRCA is reveling in the publicity, so I doubt they will completely cave in to the outrage.
I think the whole thing is pathetic, but I'm not that worked up about it. Everybody knows that Los Angeles is not part of Mexico. If it was, there wouldn't be a single Mexican who wanted to come here.
May 04, 2005 in Newsworthy | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)
Today, in Newport Beach, a father let his 3-year-old swim in a condominium pool and left the child in the care of his "teenage sister." The father came back a few minutes later and found the boy floating, dead, in the hot tub. Efforts to revive him failed at the scene and at Hoag Hospital. Officials didn’t say how long the father had been away or where the girl was when the boy entered the water. I wonder who will have the more devastating guilt. My guess is the sister, but if I was the father, I would probably take a detour into a block wall on my way home from the hospital.
May 03, 2005 in Newsworthy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
At any given time, I have a trial scheduled almost every single week for the next 20 to 25 weeks. They almost never go forward as scheduled. Almost ninety percent settle. And of the remaining ten percent, more than half get moved at least once. But they are always there, screwing up my vacation schedule.
This week, we started the week with a Monday trial call. The rest of my week was booked with depositions on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Sandwiched in between I have a long client meeting to go over discovery responses today, a major class action motion on Thursday, and a few minor hearings, mostly case management stuff that a trained monkey with the gift of speech could do.
Yesterday, the trial call turned out to be nothing more than telling the court that we signed a settlement agreement on Thursday. The deposition was postponed because the witness needed an interpreter. Last night, we settled the case against this morning's deponent. The depositions for the next two days are off because the witnesses are in Korea. The Thursday class action hearing has been postponed because the defendant wants to take our latest settlement offer to the board of directors for approval.
So I could have taken the week off for a vacation. But until last night, I didn't know that. This scenario will repeat itself all summer long, when my kids are out of school and being able to take the week off means something.
Every once in a while, I pick a week and try my best to avoid getting a trial or other necessary appearance set that week. Even then, some mean spirited judge or demanding client will not care and will force me to work on my one and only pre-scheduled vacation week of the year.
But I'm an optimist. I look at the bright side. And believe it or not, there is a bright side to this scheduling.
It confounds timeshare salesmen.
Whenever we sign up for some really cool something-or-other that you have to sit through a timeshare presentation to collect, I never have to worry about the hard sell. When the initial tour and schpiel are done, I give them this sort of response:
"That sounds like the greatest vacation deal since, well, ever. Do you have a version that could work for me? Here are my needs: I need something that has trial calendar flexibility. For example, I have to be able to cancel at the last minute if a case trails for a week. And I sometimes have to go two or three years without a vacation, but then, if a big case settles on a Monday, and it was set to go three weeks, I want to be able to leave on Tuesday with one day's notice and be able to go somewhere for two or three weeks. Is there a program like that for me?"
The guy usually just stares at me for a second, before admitting that timeshares are not for everyone, or else he goes to get his manager, who usually makes the same admission. Every once in a while, they tell me that the such-and-such program would work, and I ask them to show me the part of the contract that has the late cancellation stuff and the short notice stuff, and to show me on their computers which resorts I would be able to do for two weeks, starting this coming Tuesday. At this point, invariably, they walk me over to the prize redemption desk.
May 03, 2005 in The Legal Life | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)
May 03, 2005 in Photographs | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Well, there's nothing going on here. The Orange County Register today had its cover photo feature a performer from Saturday's show at the Coachella music festival, which was not in our county and 100+ miles away.
Meanwhile, in other stories,
I learned that Dwayne Wade became just the 7th player to average 25 points, 8 assists and 6 rebounds while shooting over 50% from the field in a full NBA playoff series. Who keeps track of this stuff? And what would they have reported if he had averaged 9 assists and 7 rebounds? Would he be in even more elite company?
I learned that General Motors spends more on health insurance than it does one steel.
In "Dear Abby," I learned that there are women so pathetic that they will take their man back after he serves his seven years (Ack! Just 7?) for child molestation, and then want everyone to keep it quiet about him liking to sexually abuse little kids.
I learned that the last five NFL top draft picks had sequential jersey numbers: Vick (No. 7), Carr (No. 8), Palmer (No. 9), Manning (No. 10) and Smith (No. 11). So who will be wearing No. 12 next year?
And my favorite item was a spotlight on Jill Esplin, a motivational speaker who looks like a very nice person, but only expects to earn $20,000 to $30,000 from her motivational speaking business this year. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to pay good money to be motivated, I'd rather hire someone who at least makes enough money to afford a car and a decent apartment in Orange County. Unless, of course, my life goals are to live in a van down by the river.
May 02, 2005 in Newsworthy | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
One of the blogs I like to read is Sparkwood & 21. I used to link to it, but eventually dropped the link because it has links to almost every blog in the country except mine.** The author of Sparkwood & 21 is Brittney Gilbert, who just got a job to write the content for a blog (Nashville Is Talking) on behalf of WKRN-TV in Nashville. The blogging world is abuzz about her new gig.
While I am happy for Ms. Gilbert, since she now has a job she likes (and I hope the contentment doesn't kill her creativity), I'm not sure I quite understand all the fuss. This is not, as one blogger argued, "one of the biggest changes since the invention of the printing press." There are plenty of paid bloggers out there. I've seen dozens. I'm sure there are many more that I have not seen. There was an Orange Bowl blog, and a USC football blog, and a tour de france blog, and a Super Bowl blog. The Orlando Sentinel had a hurricane blog. Trial.com has one. Plenty of TV stations and newspapers have made crappy little blogs, short term or long term, that were written by journalists. The late Allan Malamud's column for the L.A. Times -- Notes on a Scorecard -- would have been a great sports blog if they had only put it on the web. The Times and the Register already have columns in the sports and entertainment sections that are, frankly, just like blogs. And from the looks of things, they are quite a bit like what Nashville is Talking will be like.
I don't mean to belittle this career move. It's a great move for her. Ms. Gilbert was sick of waiting tables and she is now going to be paid to write for a TV station, which, from what I've read, is the sort of thing she's wanted to do all along. But she isn't going to be able to slap a WKRN logo to the top of her own blog and call in payroll. She will be, essentially, a reporter.
The only difference I see between those other blogs I mentioned above and Nashville is Talking is that the others were written by journalists who were initially hired as journalists. Brittney Gilbert was hired because of the exposure she got from her blog. In other words, the only novelty is that it was her blog that got her foot in the door of the MSM. It was a slick move, but not one that foretells the future media mogul status of the rest of us with our own little weblogs.
** Do you know the difference between a blogging whore and a blogging bitch? A blogging whore links to everybody. A blogging bitch links to everybody but me.
May 02, 2005 in Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)
Classmates.com is pretty cool. In addition to making it a lot easier for people to organize a good reunion, it lets you find lots and lots of old friends, as long as they want you to find them.
I hadn't talked to one of my friends from elementary school and high school in probably 15 years or more until I sent him an email a few months back using Classmates. We talked each other into going to the 20-year (I'd have likely gone anyway) and my family and his have hung out three or four times since then.
He just turned 40, and had a party last night at his house back in the hometown. His house is a lot like the one I grew up in, so even though we'd never been there before, it felt like home.
Four of our grade school classmates were there, including one girl I hadn't seen since high school graduation. I caught up a bit more on the dirt of the class -- who went psycho, who's in jail, who married a sex offender.... It was a remarkably diverse group I grew up with, as it turns out.
We joked about having a similar get together for my fortieth, but I refuse to turn 30, so I sure as hell am not going to let my wife throw a 40th party for me. If she wants to invite people to the 12th annual 29th birthday bash, I won't protest, but that's still quite a way off.
May 01, 2005 in Personal Events | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)
Another list of stuff I've seen in the past week or so.
First, some interesting blogs to read:
O'Fat has a blog. Blogs are now officially not cool anymore.
The kids' lunchbox blog.
A blog that focuses on quirky google maps images.
Web Wasteland finds odd stuff, including, from time to time, my stuff.
You can watch variations on the same odd video themes:
For some reason, people who keep setting themselves on fire, on purpose, have trouble putting themselves out.
And they keep getting worms in their skin.
Videos of other people playing video games is pretty lame, but this one sheds a bit of light on the Asian driver syndrome.
Performance "art" is stupid. This asshat drowns himself and calls it "art." (Yes, he was revived.)
You can play games:
Get your balls out for Balls 'n' Walls.
Guess the google search. I played once and scored a 294.
Gamble on horses for real.
Don't press the button. The adult computer geek version of the monster-at-the-end-of-this-book.
You can see or do strange or interesting stuff:
Download 200 mp3s from Amazon for freeeeee.
Check out this bike frame made of bamboo.
I don't understand the writing, but this looks like a Scooby-Doo plot waiting to happen.
Psst. Wanna see a three legged man? He's got two you-know-whats, too. (NSFW)
If you know what this disgusting thing is, please email me or post a comment.
You can learn something new:
Like what happens if you misspell Google.
A better way to browse.
How to save travel money by booking "repositioning cruises."
Where to find the cheapest gasoline around.
You can bid on strange or wonderful things:
You missed out on the testicles of Darth Vader.
But that seller is still taking bids on his patriotism.
Some dude sold his $11.66 tax refund for a mere $11.65.
And some [used] lucky green briefs sold for a mere $1.29.
You missed out on this dark fairy, too.
There is still time, however, to buy this wolverine penis bone.
eBay is also a great place to find bargain nipple guards.
You can sit and wonder what these people were thinking:
People are using body piercings as back corsets.
Other people like to abuse and molest statues.
Maskers: at last someone for "normal" transvestites to look down upon.
Are you a virgin? Yes, but only a "technical virgin."
You can check out a place far, far away via web cam:
Watch a Norwegian shipyard making a new cruise ship.
Kodiak, Alaska will be getting some pretty late sunsets soon.
The Kilauea volcano webcam can spew forth some interesting pictures.
This is the most interactive public webcam I've seen: San Diego's multiple location, user adjustable webcam.
You can check out some weird news photos:
Benedict XVI performs "This is the church; this is the steeple, open the door..."
Jennifer Wilbanks shows reporters how proud she is.
If you know people are going to take pictures of you in public, don't go out dressed in an old sheet.
In Iraq, you don't need a weatherman to tell you when the dust storm will arrive. You see it coming.
You can listen to the radio in some other city:
Like some place in Jamaica, mon.
WXPN in Philly.
98.5 Sonshine FM in Australia.
Real Radio 104.1 in Central Florida.
Finally, you can read a good bullshit story:
This purports to be true: most avid consumers of child porn are young teens.
She bangs; he falls down dead.
The NFL personalized jersey program must be glad Ed Dickface was not drafted.
You know why you've never seen Bigfoot? Because Bigfoot moved to Manitoba.
Like everything you see on the Internets, these stories are all 100% true.
May 01, 2005 in Things To Do | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
Charlie Weis: No Excuses: One Man's Incredible Rise Through the NFL to Head Coach of Notre Dame
I paid a dollar. heh
LIFE MAGAZINE EDITORS: Life: Dream Destinations: 100 of the World's Best Vacations
Chris Crowley: Younger Next Year: A Guide to Living Like 50 Until You're 80 and Beyond
Bathroom Readers' Institute: Uncle John's Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader
Patricia Schultz: 1,000 Places to See in the U.S.A. & Canada Before You Die
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