I'm sure very few of you are wondering what to get me for Father's Day. But if you are one of the few, start by not getting me any of this crap.
1. A research paper on the lack of relationship between vehicle damage and occupant injury. Like I've said before, I'm not that kind of lawyer.
2. The bi-bottle. The name sounds unfatherlike.
3. Knives taken from would-be terrorists.
4. Sac-Free underwear. Where I come from, the balls go inside the shorts.
5. A Viagra money pot. For that matter, anything Viagra related.
6. The mold stain on some dude's bathroom wall, even if it looks like Jesus.
7. Pretty much anything with a fish on it.
8. Any sort of castrating tool. If we have more kids, we have more kids.
9. Pistons tickets.
10. And finally, anything UCLA, except maybe this.
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