Random Year End Thoughts

So we're out for New Year's Eve at a nice restaurant near our house, and I order a beer and a Diet Coke. The Diet Coke comes with a straw. The beer does not. It occurs to me that I've never consumed beer with a straw. In fact, I've never even seen anybody drink beer with a straw. Why is that?

So I put the straw in the beer and drank. The beer enters the straw at the bottom as beer, but it comes out the top, into my mouth, as foam. So that's why nobody drinks beer with a straw. Later in the evening, I find out that nobody drinks champagn from the straw for exactly the same reason.

Objectively speaking, Dick Clark's comeback was touching. Subjectively speaking, it was a buzzkill.

How do you prevent or cure a hangover? There are theories. I have one, too. I've had plenty of busy drinking nights since college. I've imbibed until I was regurgitating what looked like roof pitch. But I've never had a hangover. My secret? If I drink a lot, before going to bed, I drink water until it feels like my stomach will explode. In the morning, I wake up feeling perfectly fine, thank you.

When I was a teenager, if I wanted to get into the movie theater without a ticket, I had to get a friend to open the back exit, or I had to walk in backwards as a big crowd was getting out. Now that I am an adult, I can't really risk either of those techniques. But I just discovered a new way to get into the theater for free: tell them you just want to buy popcorn.

If you walk up to the gate and tell them you just want to buy popcorn, they'll let you right in to buy popcorn. I'll never know what would happen if you made a break for the seats, because I actually did just buy popcorn and leave. But you never know.

I saw the news story about the Baby Jesus being decapitated and wondered why that isn't a hate crime. In my county, we recently had vandals destroy a menorah, and it's being investigated as a hate crime. Why the difference?

This was more than a bit funny to me. Brendan, the Irish Trojan, got married on Friday. Brendan is the "weather nerd" who went to USC as an undergraduate, and is currently in law school at Notre Dame. He got more than an ordinary blogger's share of fame when the mainstream media picked up on his discussions of Hurricane Katrina. So what did mother nature do on Brendan's wedding day? It blessed him with the latest forming Tropical Storm ever, as Tropical Storm Zeta set up shop in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean shipping lanes. It's the 27th storm of the season, which technically ended November 30.

I resisted the desire, on my wedding day, to watch the USC-Cal game. I hope, for his bride's sake, Brendan was able to ignore the Weather Channel on his wedding day.

We overslept this morning and missed church. Last week, we overslept and got to church late. That was actually worse. We had to stand the whole time. I got stuck behind a dude with severely ugly ears. They looked fine from the front, but from the back, they were nasty. I wonder if the guy knows his ears look ugly from the back? He probably can't tell from looking in the mirror. Do you think anyone ever told him? If you're going to have an ugly body part, I guess the back of the ears is about as good a place to be fugly as it gets. You can probably still get girls. You just don't want them to walk behind you. If you're gay, you might have a problem.

I also saw a guy fall asleep standing up at church last Sunday. It was a long an incomprehensible Christmas sermon from a priest who seemingly has never experienced life in the real world. To say that it didn't speak to me would be a vast understatement. It would have put me to sleep, except I am incapable of sleeping while standing up. That wasn't a problem for the guy across from me. I expected him to start snoring at any time. The funniest part was when he started tossing and turning and moving his head and hands against the wall trying to find the most comfortable position for his "pillow." I did not bring my digital camera into church, or I would have been snapping pictures of that guy the whole time. And the dude's ugly-ass years.

Many people my age do not know that The Producers began life as a Mel Brooks film in 1968. The current movie is not a remake of the recent hit play. The recent hit play is a remake of the 1968 film. That 1968 movie was on TCM today. I TiVo'd it.

Some asshole ripped off my 11-year-old daughter for some virtual couches and such stuff on Disney's VMK online game. He offered to trade a code for some magic dancing ...spell for her virtual furniture, then accepted her trade and didn't give her the code. How big a loser do you have to be to steal virtual stuff from a little girl in an online game?

The NFL just started getting interesting, now that the final playoff matchups have been determined. Want further proof that betting on so-called "meaningless" NFL games is foolish? Check this one out. 3-12 Green Bay defeats 13-2 Seattle 23-17.

And Maurice Clarett has officially fallen about as far as you can go. If he is convicted of the robbery he has been accused of this weekend, in two years time, he will have gone from having the world by the balls, to having some inmate bigger than him having him by the balls. Oh, Mo....

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sucked like shit