I enjoyed watching Big Brown win the Preakness. This time, he didn't have to beat a dead horse to win. Ugh. That wasn't the worst joke going around. This was: What does this year's Triple Crown have in common with Eight Belles? Both now have two legs complete. Though it has been 30 years since we had a winner (Affirmed) of the Triple Crown, this is the 7th time in the past dozen years (1997 Silver Charm, 1998 Real Quiet, 1999 Charismatic, 2002 War Emblem, 2003 Funny Cide and 2004 Smarty Jones) that a horse has won the first two races. This horse, however, looks stronger than any of those. I know how I'll be rooting when the Belmont Stakes are run in three weeks.
Lance Armstrong attended two charity balls to raise funds for cancer research this week. Fortunately, neither of these cancer balls had to be removed.
Apparently, when Einstein said that God doesn't play dice with the Universe, what he meant was that you can't play dice if you don't actually exist.
The Vatican has come out and publicly declared that the belief in intelligent alien life forms does not contradict a belief in God. Technically, that may be true, but the discovery that there was, in fact, another intelligent race of beings from another world would pretty much convince me that if there was a God, it was not the God described to me in the Bible.
How would you like to be such a failure that you can't even succeed in a suicide attempt by diving headfirst into a woodchipper?
Missouri law couldn't touch that bitch who posed as a boy to torment her daughter's on-and-off again friend and drive her toward committing suicide. So now a prosecutor in Los Angeles has obtained an indictment against the mom - for "defrauding" Myspace by using fake information to get her free Myspace account. This is a great example of how bad facts make bad law. So before too long, some court will come out and say, "sure, you can go to prison for that," and suddenly, every nerd with a sock puppet account on his favorite message board is going to be a criminal.
Underage sex stings are a beautiful thing. There are few ventures more valuable than exposing a megachurch minister whose congregation did not previously know that he spent his spare time trolling for horny 13-year-olds.
Mike Huckabee should keep his day job, because he'll never made a good standup comedian. Saying that a noise offstage is Barack Obama ducking to hide from a gun is just stupid.
Sure, Andy Dufresne and every woman will tell you they would bite it off if a guy tried to mouth-rape them, but one girl actually did it.
Maybe if Crystal Gail Mangum, that stripper/escort from the Duke lacrosse scandal, had tried that method, there would have been some good dna evidence. Oh, wait, that's right, that gang-rape was a figment of her imagination. Oddly enough, Ms. Mangum just picked up a bachelor's degree from North Carolina Central University. Does the world make any sense? "What was her field of study?", one might ask. Police psychology. Suddenly, the world makes sense again. She's a natural whiz at that. You just know she aced her core courses.
If you are a famous Hall of Fame member who gets threatened with prosecution for a $400,000 gambling debt, you might have a gambling problem. And yes, you are a dumbass, Charles Barkley.
The Celtics are a perfect 8-0 at home in the playoffs, and a perfect 0-6 on the road. Perhaps the Lakers can break them of that.
Finally, my favorite sports headline of the week: "Charlie Weis, you've been thrown under the bus." Charlie? Under a bus? That bus must have some big wheels.
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