The finale of Survivor 16 was awesome, but not nearly as awesome as finding out that the last name of Parvati, the winner of Survivor: Cook Islands, is "Shallow."
Maybe I have too little faith, or I'm just too negative a person, but I have trouble understanding the thought processes of people like Tressie Gilmore, who lost almost everything she had this weekend in a tornado. "I don't feel anything but blessed because, I don't see any reason why we should still be alive," she explained. If I lost everything I had in a tornado, I certainly would be glad to learn than my family had survived, but overall, I'd be upset about the whole thing, and I would probably wonder why God hadn't kept us out of harm's way in the first place, man. I suppose that each day we have with our loved ones is a blessing, but I appreciate the blessings that don't cause people to lose their homes a lot more than the blessings that do.
Not all religious beliefs are created equal. For example, when grandma dies, your "bishop's" beliefs that she just passed out, and demons are making her look dead, and you should prop her up on the toilet and pray for her resurrection, are beliefs that shouldn't be taken seriously. Especially if they mean that your kids have to smell dead grandma for a month and use a bucket instead of a toilet.
When your plane is about to crash, using the old "step off the plane just before it hits the ground technique" doesn't work unless you are a cartoon character. Which you are not.
If you are ready, willing and able go to the trouble of digging up a child's corpse to use its de-jawed skull as a bong, it's time for a stint in rehab. Seriously.
I know it's only May, but I think we have our 2008 winner in the "life imitating art" category of news events already. Dennis Farina was arrested at LAX on a weapons charge. I feel an urge to put Get Shorty at the top of my Netflix queue.
Conservatives are happier than liberals, according to this news story I shared with some of my attorney friends, who also happen to be pretty liberal. The most common reaction I got was a sneer, followed by something to the effect that conservatives just think that they are happy. Hmmm. I think the story got it right.
If you drop $28 on a book called "How I Helped O.J. Get Away With Murder: The Shocking Inside Story of Violence, Loyalty, Regret and Remorse" you are just another fool parting with money.
Three idiots from the Greek island of Lesbos have sued a gay rights group for using the word "lesbian" in its name. They say the name of the association — Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece — insults the identity of the people of Lesbos. "Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos," said one of the idiots. I don't know what he's complaining about. He lives on an island that is just crawling with hot lesbians, right? What more could a guy ask for?
Soccer star Ronaldo is embarrassed after getting caught partying in a motel room with three prostitutes who turned out to be transvestites, and apparently facing attempted extortion from one or more of them. I'm going to add this to my list of lessons I learned by watching the mistakes of others. No. 6: If you are famous, and the hookers coming to your room seem like too good of a bargain to be true, they have testicles.
OJ Mayo's one season at USC might turn out to have been costly to the program. ESPN's Pat Forde writes: "USC, Tim Floyd have no excuse for turning a blind eye". In it, he opines that USC's basketball deserves the death penalty because they should have seen violations coming with the arrival of O.J. Mayo, especially after Reggie Bush's problems. While Forde makes a good point that USC should ban Rodney Guillory from its campus if the allegations turn out to be correct about benefits flowing to Mayo (Mayo, for the record, denies it, and points out that he was a struggling student who rode a bicycle around campus because he had no car), it turns out that the earliest alleged problems with O.J. Mayo are four years ancient, dating to early high school. The NCAA investigated, and they couldn't find proof of wrongdoing, even though they looked hard, and with better investigatory tools at their disposal. If the allegations turn out to be correct, maybe the NCAA should get the death penalty.
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