If you've noticed that your last few tanks have coincidentally cost precisely $75, here's a story about why and what it's doing. Essentially, the limit was put in place to prevent and limit exposure to fraud, but now that half the cars on the road have a tank that can't be filled for $75, it's just a pain in the ass.
I'm tired of hearing about baseball's 'roid problem. I don't want to know whose third baseman has grapes popping out of his bunghole, and I really don't want to know that they "need to be lanced." Hemorrhoids, testicular torsion and anal fissures should simply be listed for the public as "undisclosed medical issues."
All these years, I thought the ACLU was out to destroy religion. I was wrong. The ACLU is also willing to fight for your right to be a religious kook, including bringing a lawsuit to preserve a woman's right not to come to work during her (library) employer's promotion of a Harry Potter book.
Some people think Clapton is God, but the Kaiser Chiefs proclaim themselves better than Oasis, who thought they were better than the Beatles, who declared themselves more popular than Jesus. So they must think they are WAY better than God. Or Clapton.
Clay Aiken has impregnated a woman. But not a young woman, and not the way a straight guy would do it. He artificially inseminated his 50-year-old roommate. Somehow this is "news." Nah, "news" would have been finding out that Clay Aiken had gotten a 25-year-old woman pregnant after busting a condom during actual sex.
Good: cleaning the house while your wife is out of town. Bad: hiring a nude maid to do it. Ugly: she steals all your wife's good jewelry. Remember, rule number one when the maid leaves: check her pockets. Rule number one when the maid is nekked: check her pockets anyways.
Suppose your 13-year-old daughter was staying out all night and banging adult men she met via her myspace page that said she was 19 and divorced. Would you (a) ground her ass; (b) shut down her website; or (c) let her stay out late and keep the myspace page up, and just have all the guys she has sex with get arrested?
Remember how Eddie Vedder, Alec Baldwin, Robert Altman, Martin Sheen, Rosie O'Donnell, Matt Damon, Whoopi Goldberg, Ed Asner and Tim Robbins were going to move to another country if George Bush was elected? They're all still here. The new hotness is that Susan Sarandon is going to move to Canada or Italy if John McCain gets elected. Because living in an America run by George W. Bush for eight years isn't that bad, but the idea of living under a McCain administration is just too much to handle.
Sarandon is still far down on the list of the most incredibly stupid celebrities, though. When you heard about this woman calling police for help unlocking her car doors from the inside, you thought, for at least a moment, that it was another Britney Spears story, didn't you? I did, too.
Excellent reading!
Posted by: Cranky Greg & Capt. Morgan | June 03, 2008 at 22:23
You are now going to start getting google hits for searches on anal fissues. kudos.
Posted by: Ugh | June 03, 2008 at 11:25