Obama may be outspending McCain four-to-one, but he's asking for more money. Sadly, I fear that this is actually a metaphor for the coming Obama presidency.
Reporters for three newspapers that recently endorsed John McCain have been booted off the Obama airplane. You'd never see John McCain pulling a stunt like that. Of course, if he did, there wouldn't be very many reporters on his plane.
Gasoline and oil prices are down, and headed lower. All you folks who convinced yourself that the increases were all George Bush's fault, don't forget to send Bush a thank you note for changing his mind, right?
It was a tough week for cows. In Uraguay, 52 cows who were pressed up against a metal fence during a storm were electrocuted by a single bolt of lightning. In India, some poor cow who got raped by a man, and in a certainly unrelated event, became pregnant, was taken out to sea and drowned by a group of villagers that included the cow rapist.
Too much government regulation can be bad. Not enough is pretty bad, too. For example, without OSHA, your boss might make you crawl out a 16th story window to work on the bottom of a mounted airconditioner.
It's true that the governor of Alaska oversees only about 100,000 people more than Oklahoma City. It's also true that the senators for Delaware represent fewer people than the mayor of Detroit. But we wouldn't want the mayor of Detroit to be vice-president, now would we?
Richard Cooey, a 5-foot-7, 267-pound double murderer, argued that his obesity made death by lethal injection inhumane, because his fat would make it difficult for prison staff to find suitable veins to ensure a painless death. Well, the Supreme Court denied his claim, and last week, the execution went off smoothly, paving the way for other really fat murderers to receive quick painless expedited transitions to the next world.
The MLBPA thinks that the reason Barry Bonds hasn't been signed to a fat free agent contract is collusion. I'll try to think of a few reasons why a team wouldn't be thrilled to sign an old former steroids user who is hated by many fans, is a clubhouse poison, and oh, would probably want $20 million. It shouldn't take me too long.
People who drink are happier than those who don't drink everyday. That, my friends, is why lawyers are so happy. It's not the money. It's the drinking. And the blogging.
Finally, if this story about a six year old and her new communication device doesn't warm your heart, just go drown yourself, because you are clearly dead already.
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