I hold these truths to be self-evident:
If someone wants to give you eternal life in exchange for your promise to leave them your fortune when you die, you should be suspicious of their motives. They might actual look forward to your death, and they won't really try that hard to give you eternal life!
The old Nigerian scam involves tricking you in a confidence game. The new scam involves moving to the U.K. with your five kids and making sure that the government dole pays the rent on your million pound house while you don't work. It's safer, and more lucrative, innit?
Today, they bust kids with bags of parsley for possession of a "counterfeit controlled substance." Tomorrow, police wait outside the supermarket to bust people carrying five-pound bags of powdered suger. It'll be like taking candy from a baby, no?
Putting your half million dollars in jewels in the safe is smart. Putting the safe in the front seat of your car is stupid. Leaving the garage door open all night is insane.
In the U.K., you can be charged with a crime if some other asshole knocks over your trash can. I think that law is ridiculous, but I do know a couple of jerks in the U.K. Next time I'm there, I think I might stop by and cost them some money. It's a bad law, but laws are laws, right?
The jobless numbers for November are not expected to be good, but one set of layoffs caught our attention this week: Focus on the Family is cutting loose about one-sixth of its work force and unfilled positions. Workers will have more time to focus on their families. Mission accomplished?
Most nudists are people you would never want to see naked in the first place.
When a presidential candidate promises you that the era of the lobbyist is over, and he'll never allow lobbyists on his White House staff, what he really means is that he's going to pack his staff full of lobbyists.
If you voted for Barack Obama because you were tired of Bush-hating terrorists demonizing America throughout the world, and you thought your vote was a vote for change, you guessed wrong. Al Qaida just thinks Barack Obama is America's new "house Negroe."
Almost no voters knew who Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid were, and a majority guessed incorrectly that the GOP controls Congress, but they know Sarah Palin's kid is knocked up and she got a lot of clothes for the campaign. And they loved them some Barack Obama. The survey that revealed these truths may be slanted, but it still makes its point. Most American voters are at best ill-informed, and at worst, stupid.
At last, Barack Obama offers me change I can believe in. Not that it'll ever happen, but I would vote for the man in 2012 if he could get a playoff into the college football bowl subdivision. But if you think a playoff is coming soon, you should prepare yourself for further disappointment.
Remember the beginning of last season, when the Dallas Mavericks were interested in trading for Kobe Bryant, but they made it clear that Dirk Nowitzki was off limits. That's looking less than genius now. But in the NBA, you can make stupid trades, refuse to make smart trades, and trade on inside information all you want, and there are few consequences. In the stock market, if you are stupid and make smart trades on inside information, you get charged by the SEC.
Regarding the "world's first pregnant man" having her second pregnancy, it seems obvious to me that: (1) whether or not you have undergone an add-a-dick-to-me, if you still have a uterus, you are still a woman; (2) if you still have a vagina, you should not call yourself a man, even if you have had your boobs cut off and you take hormones that make your beard grow out; (3) if you still have a vagina and a uterus, and you get pregnant, you and your wife are different, and are not just like any normal couple; (4) if you thought your baby-making wasn't going to get people talking, you are not very perceptive.
Remember how we had high energy prices, a pro-gay marriage governor, and a big car tax increase in California, and so we held a recall election? Are we due for another?
And finally, you can get a conviction, and even a $101 million judgment, against a schizophrenic transient who started a devastating wildfire that destroyed homes, lives and businesses, but you are never going to get a lawyer or a debt-collector to try to collect that $101 million judgment on a contingent fee basis. Frame it on the wall, but it's good for decoration only.
They busted two guys for the "theft" of all those jewels from the unlocked Bentley. Still smells fishy to me.
http://www.ocregister.com/articles/police-jewelry-watts-2237141-newport-beach
Posted by: da fence | November 21, 2008 at 16:17