It was another week full of interesting news.
A student in Bangkok confessed to the murder of a taxi driver as part of an act to recreate a scene from the Grand Theft Auto computer game. Police said the 18-year-old high school student "showed no sign of mental problems during questioning" although he confessed to committing the crime because of the game. Yeah ... that's certainly not a sign that the kid was batshiat crazy, is it?
I don't like the idea that a fat person can avoid the death penalty just by being fat. I think it would set a bad precedent. Do we really want to live in a world in which Rosie O'Donnell can kill anyone she pleases without worrying about the ultimate punishment? I also think the guy's 267 pounds of fatness is not nearly fat enough to be "too fat to be executed", even if such a status could exist.
My cousin's in-laws were in the news last week, as a "Murder Wall" tribute to victims of murder was unveiled in Orange County by a group called Parents of Murdered Children. People will march and protest and scream their necks off over 4,000 deaths of soldiers in Iraq over five years, but for some reason, almost nobody protests the fact that over 16,000 people are murdered on American soil every year.
On a brighter note, the Chinese think the number eight is a lucky number, so the Olympics began at 8:08 p.m., on August 8, 2008. Joining the wave, a bunch of people got married on 08/08/08, and there were plenty of babies born at 8:08 on 08/08/08, including one or two 8 lb., 8 ouncers. One of the lucky newborns was my nephew, Ethan, who was born on 08/08/08, but not at 8:08. They scheduled the c-section for later in the day. For him, lucky days are going to have to do. Lucky minutes or lucky weigh-ins don't really matter than much, though, do they? When was the last time you remember someone saying "This must be my lucky weight?"
Less lucky: Clay Aiken's kid, who was born on 08/08/08 at 08:08 a.m. This kid's going to need all the luck he an get. Being the product of an artificial insemination, probably by mouth, is a guaranteed teasing and ass-kicking once he hits grade school.
August 8 wasn't a lucky day for USC's #6, Mark Sanchez, but it was lucky for double-eight, number 16, QB Mitch Mustain, who might "have" to start USC's opener at Virginia due to Sanchez's knee dislocation.
The Bruins, who seem to be trying to copy everything the Trojans do, promptly went out and lost their starting quarterback to injury, too. They overdid it, though. Their 47-year-old starter, Ben Olsen, will be out eight weeks.
Reggie Bush hasn't even proposed to Kim Kardashian, but she's already planning their wedding. Run, Reggie, Run!
The English are offering a thousand quid to people who are willing to turn in their gas guzzlers. The article is most interesting to me, however, for the photograph that shows how utterly insane street parking is in the U.K.
Remember how Ferris Bueller said if he tried to squeeze one more sick day out of his senior year, he was gonna have to barf up a lung? Ferris would have been able to get the prop that he needed for that one last sick day if he'd been in St. Petersburg at the right time last week.
Sharon Osbourne says the one person you'll never see on "America's Got Talent" is Paris Hilton. She says Hilton has special gifts and she basically lucked into fame. And Lord knows, Sharon Osbourne knows a thing or two about lucking into fame.
Here's a sad then-and-now travel story. Then: Jet Blue was the airline that gave everyone their own personal TV screen during flights. Now: Jet Blue is the airline that rapes you for seven bucks for one of those crappy pillow and blanket combos.
I discovered this week that I am, among other things, a globularist. I have no intention of changing.
Can someone explain to me why the people of Detroit love their idiot Kwames so much? Having a jailbird mayor Kwame Kilpatrick busting the terms of his bond is bad enough, but the Pistons signing Kwame Brown to a two-year contract worth $8 million? That's insane. What are they thinking? That they can trade him later for an all-star center? Sorry. That trick only works once.
The Westboro Baptists are at it again, this time planning to protesting the funeral of that poor fellow who got beheaded by a crazy man on a Canadian bus. Why the protest? They are pointing out that the beheading is the result of God punishing Canada for its disobedience (translation: they let gays marry). Here's the rub. If the crazy beheader was just God's instrument of destruction, then there is no free will. If there is no free will, then the gays who want to be gay and marry are just doing what God makes them do. That makes the whole point of the protest, well, pointless? Plus, it's Canada, dudes. Who cares what they do in Canada? Fortunately, the first wave of them got stopped at the border, and the second group got through but no-showed at the funeral. Maybe they were trying to understand why God sent an arsonist to their church last week.
I'm sick of hearing about Brett Favre already, but I'm even more tired of hearing about how badly Green Bay handled the situation. In the end, they traded him to a team outside their conference, who was 4-12 last year, and they got at least a 4th round pick out of it; and if it isn't a high fourth round pick, it'll be a pick in a higher round. All for a guy who was just going to sit at home in Mississippi all season, and whom they didn't want back even if he would have played for free. Sounds like a good outcome to me.
Finally, I heard Shaft died this weekend. Or maybe the guy said Chef died this weekend. Same difference. Isaac Hayes passed away on Sunday, and is resting with Xenu now. Peace, brother.
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