Lex Icon Lexargy

TIL That Frisian is the Closest Language to English

And it isn't really dat close. De similarities are few.

Can I Increase Your Odds?

I know two people who have won the lottery, and another person who's won a big 7 figure progressive slot jackpot. This obviously means that knowing me increases your chances of winning a fortune. I'm hoping someone I know wins that $640 million prize tonight, and hoping even more than it's someone I like.

When I Was a Kid

When I was a kid:

• The library was a place to hang out
• If you wanted to instant message someone, you had to dial the phone
• Dialing a phone number involved actual using an actual dial
• Heating up leftovers took a long time, because you had to use a regular oven
• If a dad kicked his kid's butt, everyone applauded him for his discipline
• To steal music, we had to actually shoplift something from a store
• Portable music came in the form of low quality battery-operated tape decks
• Your music choices were LP, 45, cassette or 8-track
• Tapes wore out and records got scratched
• Only rich people had fax machines
• Computers were something the only the government and big corporations had
• The only way to leave a message for someone was to talk to someone who had a pen and paper
• There was no caller ID or call waiting
• All the "big box" stores were for members only
• To find out what was on TV, you needed a newspaper of TV Guide
• Every town had a drive-in theater
• Cartoons were only on during cartoon time - after school and Saturday mornings
• Everyone played outside, all over the neighborhood
• Getting grounded meant losing out on stuff outside the house
• Report cards only came out on paper
• Schools never printed or copied. They mimeographed.
• There were pay phones all over the place
• You could ride a bike without a helmet
• Or ride in the back of a pickup
• Or ride a skateboard in public places
• The only form of music video was a live performance on TV
• Cigarette smoke was everywhere
• And you could buy cigarettes from a vending machine
• Dirty movies could only be seen at the dirty movie theater
• Baseball card packs cost less than a candy bar
• And there was only one kind each year
• There were only about a dozen college football games on TV each Saturday
• All TV and radio was free
• To call the police, you needed to look up their phone number
• The Yellow Pages were a valuable resource
• Every day, there were at least a few door-to-door salesmen at your door
• The ice cream man came around once a day
• Everyone bought road maps
• Hitchhiking was a common mode of transportation
• A penny was worth picking up off the ground

It would be quite a shock to go back and spend a week in the 70s again.

L.A. Burns Again

Normally, Southern California doesn't burn like this unless we have Santa Ana winds, but the Station Fire is becoming a monster, and now it's threatening tens of thousands of homes, including some friends' homes. We have almost no winds, other than the winds generated by the fire itself, but it has nearly doubled in the last day or so, to 90,000 acres, and it has already killed a pair of firefighters and badly burned some homeowners. This fire season is off to an ugly start.

I'm wondering if it is safe to take a weekender this year. My last two weekenders with the family - to Stanford in 2008 (Freeway Complex Fire) and to Notre Dame in 2007 (Santiago Fire), saw massive wildfires in Orange County that burned fairly close to my house. And in 2007, by "fairly close" I mean within my right leg's punting range. At least the fuel in the hills near my house are relatively light. I'll be wasting some time worrying about this stuff nonetheless.

Dragging and Blogging

Since the summer began, it seems like I've been too busy for anything. My clients are demanding, but slow to pay. My plaintiff's cases are time-consuming, and not settling. Stuff around the house is breaking, and getting caught up to take our family vacations sometimes required all-nighters that I am too old to deal with. But I'm almost caught up now. My workload is balanced. I'm behind on almost nothing. My concerts and vacations and reunions are over. I can actually go back to blogging and just playing with the kids again. I'm starting by finishing and posting all the stuff I saved as drafted in July and August. Then whatever comes to mind.

Vote Early and Often

I have a candidate entered in the Register's crazy kids hair contest. Vote at this link. You must be logged in to vote. If you are a new user, go to the registration tab to register for free. If you are an existing user, login above.

Awkward Family Photos

It's my new favorite website.

He Doesn't Always Drink Beer,

I hope The Most Interesting Man in the World hasn't been affected by this swine flu outbreak. I like that guy.

Here's a Thought

Why couldn't God have made it so that sins were like calories, and good deeds were like exercise? Then you could take one look at a person and judge their character. You'd know that someone who looked like Karen Carpenter was a really good person, while someone who looked like Chris Farley would be a bad, bad man. Wouldn't that be cool?

March Madness 2009

I filled out 6 different brackets, with at least four different winners (Pitt, North Carolina, Duke and Oklahoma - I might have even gone with Missouri in one), but all have the same pick in the first round: #10 USC winning against 2.5 point underdog, #7 Boston College. For the first time in a long time, I did what I bragged (back in 1996) that I would do every year - make sure NOTHING was scheduled for the first two days of March Madness. If I get work done, great. If not, so be it. Today will be awesome, and tomorrow, if the Trojans win, it will be awesome, too.

First thing's first, however. My daughter is getting an Academic Excellence Award at school today. That means straight A's in all of the core academic subjects. Yay, her!

Lex Icon for President

Watching the debates last night, I couldn't help but think these idiots weren't doing anything I couldn't do. Say ...

http://www.inews3.com/topstory.php?id=4c65787c49636f6e

Facebook Funnies

This is funny. The Ten People From Your Past Who Will Haunt You on Facebook. I'm #10.

This Sea Otter

I think that this sea otter may have been betrayed by Lando Calrissian.

Summer footwear

I saw. I wanted. I did not fit. Rats. Me and my big feet...

Yale Women

Not every Yale woman is a raving idiot. Some have a lot of common sense.

The Latest and Greatest Video

Watch this video of Britney Spears playing doctor with someone you would not believe, but don't get Rickrolled.

Pregnant Man Story

Of course, having seen it on April 1, I reserve the right to call bullshit on this one.

Fire Flowers

Right now, the hills of Orange County are green and beautiful. It looks like Ireland here as winter comes to a close. Driving through the toll roads this week, you can't help but notice huge bright patches of wildflowers. Most are bright orange. I haven't seen such color since they built the road. The newspaper says they are a direct result of the October fires, and we might be able to expect annual blooms like this for five to ten years, until they get choked out again by the stuff that burned out in October.

Down in the burn areas of Santiago Canyon and Modjeska canyon, a purple flowering bush known as poodle-dog bush is blooming for the first time in years. The flowers are so attractive, some people have been picking them and taking them home, but they have a skin irritant similar to poison oak or stinging nettles. Ouch. I'll just stick to looking at the pretty patches of orange as I make my way in and out of the county on the toll roads.

Ebay Insanity, er Invisibility

This is one of the strangest eBay listings I've ever seen. Lot 140204797164 "~ BECOME INVISIBLE & walk UNSEEN among people or CROWDS." Excluding the graphics, it boasts that:

A powerful secret is within your grasp...

Become INVISIBLE! This is not a toy, a magic trick or a scam. This is not an illusion or a Ninja technique. No Lies!  Become 100% invisible! The Secret of Invisibility renders you completely invisible. This method is currently used by the CIA and foreign intelligence agencies. Don't Scoff!  You can go anywhere without being seen. You're invisible to all you meet... NOT EVEN A SHADOW. This works even when you're completely surrounded by cameras or people. Lets you vanish & reappear as you wish, wherever you may be! 

NO mumbo-jumbo or hocus pocus
NO spells or potions
NO burning candles or magic wands
NO alchemy or hidden symbols
NO hype or Bull.  You get exactly what you need
NO danger.  You can't be hurt in any way
NO disappointment.  You get just what we promise
No astral 'trips' to other worlds or dimensions. You walk the earth
No trouble.  You're either visible or invisible as you need & desire   

As a special bonus, you also receive:

The Wizard's Book of Animal Secrets: Amazing animal secrets!  Have you ever wished that you could control & command wild animals?  Here are the secret methods used to rule & command birds, insects, mammals & reptiles... even fish found in lakes & streams! This compilation vividly illustrates how to control animals for your pleasure.  These secrets have been guarded forever against disclosure to the public. Here's just a sample of what you get:

How to command flocks of birds wherever you go 
Controlling snakes, bees, gnats, houseflies
Teaching your dog to walk & dance on stilts
Commanding your cat to use the bathroom toilet 
Quickly tame wild horses when others have failed
The quiet world of frogs & toads
Keeping a squirrel in your pocket
Bringing dead creatures BACK TO LIFE! 
Much more!

Of course it has to be horsecrap, but the guy has an eBay feedback rating of 99.6% with 501 transactions and feedback from a lot of different eBay users, many of whom themselves have high feedback scores. I don't know how the guy pulled it off.

Calling All Timothy Leary Fans

If you missed out on LSD or magic mushrooms before they became illegal, and you really feel like you missed out, you might have a chance, for just a few short months or years, to try salvia divinorum, a natural sage hallucinogen that is illegal in six states, before it gets banned in the other 44 states. Shortest fuse at the moment: Alaska.

Delete

delete

So, Sue Me

The new mascots for the Vancouver Olympics have been introduced. One of them says "Sue Me" when you drag your mouse over him/her, or so this lawyer hears.

Happy Halloween

Enjoy this Halloween pumpkin carving simulator.

It's a Small World After All, or How I Met The Irish Trojan's Buddy, the Irish Bruin

For the past few years, we have sublet space from another Orange County law firm. They have interesting hires. One of their hires last year turned out to be a star witness in the Phil Spector trial. Pretty interesting stuff there, but probably not a topic I'm going to blog about. Anyhow, they have a new law clerk who is awaiting bar results next month. The new hire is a guy named Mike Tran. It's been a busy couple of weeks for us, so I hadn't had much of a chance to get to know him even though his office is literally right across the hall from mine. We can hear each other's telephone conversations. He curses less than I do. Until today, that's about all I knew about him. The firm doesn't formally introduce their new guys to us. We get to know them when we get to know them. Eventually, however, we say hello and make small talk.

Frequently, the small talk, particularly with the new lawyers and law clerks, doesn't get rolling until Friday afternoon. College football is a great source of small talk, especially on a Friday afternoon, and today, the talk turned quickly to USC, UCLA and Notre Dame. Mike explained that he was both a UCLA and a Notre Dame guy. My brother laughed and mentioned how there was a USC and Notre Dame guy whose blog we read all the time, and that I sometimes post to, called the Irish Trojan. Mike knows all about this Irish Trojan fellow. A few moments later, we've figured out that he is that Mike Tran, the friendly nemesis of blogger Brendan Loy, who sometimes wins bets with him and makes him wear USC sweatshirts. He won a 220 guy NCAA basketball pool that I finished in the low teens. Same guy. That's funny. I feel almost like I've known him for years. Like Brendan's, my impression of him is that he's a quality guy, even though he's a f**king bRuin.

Next week, we will be sure to try to coax some wagers out of him as USC travels to South Bend and UCLA takes on Cal. I'm calling it a Perfect Day in the making. For now, though, we are thoroughly amused by what a small world it really is, and how the six degrees of separation have once against turned out to be more degrees than we really need.

The Wide Stance

I do not like the headline for this article. Not one bit.

The Wildest Wedding Photographer Out There

Check out this crazy wedding photographer's web page: http://www.altf.com. I'm not sure whether to be fascinated or creeped out.

How to Talk to God on the Web

Supposedly, this is an artificial intelligence program that purports to be God. It was forwarded to me by someone who told me it was "amazing." It was hardly that, but I was amused by its answer to the question "Why does God value faith?"

Global Warming to Lead to Hot Lava Melting Our Homes

Sometimes, I'm very easily amused. For example, in this Livescience.com article about ten unexpected results of global warming, the #1 unexpected result is an increase in forest fires. To illustrate the effect, they post a photograph, shown here on the left. I recognize that photo, however, and global warming has nothing to do with it. That is a very famous photograph of a house in Kalapana burning down as a result of a lava flow from Kilauea Volcano on the island of Hawaii.

Sawdust Festival

The 41st annual Sawdust Art Festival opens today in Laguna Beach. It runs until September 2. The festival is near the end of Laguna Canyon Road. the Sawdust Art Festival draws more than 200,000 visitors from across the country each year. Visitors are invited to shop along sawdust-covered paths through a hand-crafted village of fine arts and superb craftsmanship. The Festival also features demo booths such as glass blowing, complimentary hands-on art workshops, a children¹s art booth, refreshments from three restaurants and a saloon, live music and more. Check it out.

What's In a Name

While perusing the daily list of published court cases in California yesterday, I came across this one, NMSBPCSLDHB v. County of Fresno. The case was uninteresting. But that name....

I'd love to have sat in on the meeting of the board where they decided what to call their company.

"I like NMSB" says one investor.

"I prefer BPC" says another.

"But I want to call us LDHB" says a third.

Then, to make everyone happy, they string them all together and call it NMSBPCSLDHB. That's probably not how they did it, but I haven't been able to figure out what it really means. I'm just glad it doesn't have anything to do with man boy love stuff.

Alleged Harry Potter Spoilers Here [In Code]

Some self-proclaimed hacker claims to have obtained a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. He says he did it "by following the precious words of the great Pope Benedict XVI when he still was Cardinal Josepth [sic] Ratzinger. He explained why Harry Potter bring the youngs [sic] of our earth to Neo Paganism faith. So we make this spoiler to make reading of the upcoming book useless and boring." The method allegedly used was a "usual milw0rm downloaded exploit delivered by email/click-on-the-link/open-browser/click-on-this-animated-icon/back-connect to some employee of Bloomsbury Publishing." Here's how he says it ends.

Ng gur raq bs gur fgbel Untevq jnf xvyyrq ol Fancr va na nggrzcg gb nzohfu Urezvbar naq Eba. Eba naq Urezvbar syrr qbja gur cevirg qevir ohg Ibyqrezbeg, fhecevfvat gurz, ratntrf va n zntvpny qhry jvgu Eba naq Urezvbar.

Ibyqrzbeg nggnpxf guebhtu gur Vzcrevhf phefr naq Urezvbar, gb cebgrpg gur yvsr bs Eba, svtugf uneqyl sbe zber guna 6 cntrf naq gura svanyyl qvrf. (Obevat, irel obevat... vg'f nyjnlf gur fnzr fgbel!)

Gura, gb znxr n ybat fgbel fubeg, Uneel pbzrf hc, xvyyf nyy gur onq thlf naq Ubtjnegf ntnva orpbzrf n tbbq cynpr gb fgnl naq unir sha.

Nu, V zvffrq bar vzcbegnag cvrpr bs vasbezngvba nobhg Qenpb Znysbl. Ur fgnegrq gb perngr Ubepehk (sbe sha naq cebsvg!). Gur raq.

To find out what whis all means, cut and paste into Rot13.com's cypher.

PSA: How To Stop Junk Mail

You can reduce the amount of advertising mail you receive by contacting the following organizations to request removal of your name from mailing lists:

Mail Preference Service
Direct Marketing Association
P.O. Box 282
Carmel, NY 10512-0282

Trans Union LLC
Name Removal Option
P.O. Box 505
Woodlyn, PA 19094-0505

Experian Consumer Services
901 W. Bond Street
Lincoln, NE 68521-3694

Equifax Inc.
Name Removal Option
P.O. Box 740241
Atlanta, GA 30374-0241

Almost 90 percent of mailing lists come from these sources. It takes about one to three months to get your name off all the lists. If you receive junk mail under more than one name, or names with spelling variants, list all such names.

The Caveman's Crib

I got an email from someone who works on the Geico caveman commercials. He told me about this website: The Caveman's Crib. I dig it. The Caveman's iPod has a bunch of songs on it, including the version of Remind Me that was used in the commercial.

fbxrd

Amazingly enough, a google search for "fbxrd" yields 294 hits. In a moment, I'll make it 295.

I Say, Chap, I Seem to Be Lacking Any Accent At Tall.

It's so true. I do not speak with much of an accent at all, EXCEPT that I did spend some formative years blabbering on in a mix of SoCal surfer and Valley Dude talk, even though I lived nowhere near the San Fernando Valley. As a result, I periodically slip into a slight southern drawl, mostly when I drink and get a bit inattentive to my speech. Here is the result of my American accent test:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
North Central
The Inland North
Philadelphia
The South
The Northeast
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Hat tip: Cranky Greg, who claims to have the same lack of an accent, but probably has a drawl like a drunken lex.

The California Coast

The California Coastal Records Project is now online. It is a set of photographs of the entire California coast, from Mexico to Oregon, taken in October 2003. I love it.

I was surprised to find that, on the border, Mexico is more developed than the U.S.

This is Aliso Beach. The straight side. The middle. The gay side.

My favorite weekend spot is seen here.

These cliffs near Dana Point look like fun to climb from the bottom, but near the top, they get slippery and dangerous, and it's took late to go back down.

The Ritz Carlton Resort. Oh, yeah, the Ritz Carlton.

The Wedge at Newport Beach gets some of the biggest shore breaks anywhere.

This is where the mostly dry Santa Ana River dumps pollution into the ocean. The Santa Ana River, according to the Army Corps of Engineers, is the worst flood threat west of the Mississippi. I can't see it.

Here is the pier at Huntington Beach.

Being a weak surfer, I preferred to bodyboard up the road at Bolsa Chica.

When I did surf, it was usually here at Seal Beach. Seal Beach is known for having pretty much no seals whatsoever. But it had a nice break.

This is Long Beach, where the L.A. River dumps into the sea. The Queen Mary is semi-permanently docked here.

This is my favorite area of the California coast. The Palos Verde Penisula. This is where Marineland used to be, before they shipped Orky and Corky to Sea World and renamed them Shamu and something else. The rising tide once stranded me on the big rock at this point. To the left, there are some neat tidepools and a cliff that gets a car rolled down it about once every other year.

Here is the Redondo Beach Pier. To the left, in what looks like a seaside shopping center, sits the Redondo Beach Court House. The judges there are pretty hard, but the scenery makes up for it (unless your case is worth a fortune and the judge shafts you.)

This is the beach right in front of LAX.

This used to be Muscle Beach, right next to the Santa Monica Pier. A few hundred yards north is where my high school's annual March for Hunger ended, 26 miles west of East L.A.

Every couple of years, the news media freaks out over the owners of these kind of houses readying themselves to lose their fortunes to the raging surf.

Every so often, the surf gets huge here and the sea spray sprinkles over PCH.

This is one of the more absurd places to call "Santa Claus Lane."

UC Santa Barbara has some student housing with location, location, location.

An oceanographer would tell you this is the boundary between Northern California and Southern California.

This is Pismo Beach, home of the pismo clams, which you can hardly ever find there anymore. Nearby, Dinosaur Caves at Shell Beach sounded like a little boy's dream beach, but there were hardly any shells and not even a single freaking dinosaur fossil to be found.

Yo, there be nekked people here at Pirate's Cove. Nekked pirates? I'll pass. I'll pass on that one in San Francisco, too. And the one in Marin. I'd prefer Black's Beach or the nekked zone near Marineland.

This is the BAR (big ass rock) at Morro Bay. It's also known as Morro Rock.

Bixby Bridge along the Big Sur coastline is a great place to pull over (well, not actually on the bridge) and take some pictures.

Pebble Beach. Mmmm, Pebble Beach. My dad has played there, but I have not. Zoom in here and you can see the "Lone Cypress."

Just to the north is the Monterey Bay Aquarium. We're members. Here, to the right, is MacAbee Beach. In the middle is El Torito Restaurant. (We're suing them).

Santa Cruz has the coolest boardwalk in California. Second only to Atlantic City in my experience.

This is the shoreline at Maverick's. A few hundred yards offshore and they break like monsters.

San Francisco isn't know for its beaches, but they are nice, albeit cold. Golden Gate Park is a great place to get buggered, according to this one blog that I read by accident once. Here, of course, is the signature spot of SF. This one time, a guy told me he was going to Agate Beach near San Francisco, and I thought he said something else, and it turned out to be pretty embarrassing.

Sea Lion Cove is aptly named. We once checked it out.

California's "Seven Mile Beach" is weak compared to the one in the Caymans.

Southern California has sand and surf. Northern California has rocks and glassy water, at least, at White's Gulch.

This beach moved 18 feet up during the 1906 San Francisco quake.

The Russian River ends here. I was disappointed to learn that this river never actually passes through Russia.

NoCal has a blowhole.

Humboldt. They are probably growing marijuana somewhere in this photo. And the nearby coastal redwoods are awesome. Crescent Beach is the best beach in the middle of it. I wonder why they call this place "Split Rock?"

If it wasn't so cold, rocky and shark infested, Smith River would be a great place to surf.

Somewhere in this photo, taken near Winchuck River, California ends and Oregon begins. Thus endeth my tour of the California coast.

Aren't the internets great?